IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries, it is now illegal for employers to reject job applicants because of their age. Is this a positive or negative development?

#countries #employers #job #applicants #age #development
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In some countries, it is now illegal for employers to reject
job
Use synonyms
 applicants because of their
age
Use synonyms
.
From
Change the preposition
In
show examples
 my opinion, I think
this
Linking Words
 could be a positive development.
First
Linking Words
 of all, I consider that amount of experience is directly proportional to how long that person lived. So
age
Use synonyms
 should be one of the concerns in
job
Use synonyms
 applications.
Old aged
Add a hyphen
Old-aged
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 could be way more advanced in specific
skills
Use synonyms
.
Such
Linking Words
 as financial management or it might be communication
skills
Use synonyms
 within
business
Add an article
the business
show examples
. But
then
Linking Words
 it doesn’t mean that
young aged
Add a hyphen
young-aged
show examples
 applications should be all rejected, sometimes the new knowledge learnt is more useful than experience. Computer science, technology and IOT could be examples of what young
people
Use synonyms
 can do well without any experience.
Secondly
Linking Words
, I don’t think that judging
people
Use synonyms
with
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their
age
Use synonyms
 is fair. Nowadays, human rights aren’t decided by
genders
Fix the agreement mistake
gender
show examples
, religion or skin colour. And I think
age
Use synonyms
 should
also
Linking Words
 be one of these. While we can’t fasten or reverse back our ages, all the
age
Use synonyms
 is still a person who lives. And there shouldn’t be any unfairness
within
Change preposition
among
show examples
 those living
people
Use synonyms
. Despite the fact that all
age
Use synonyms
 groups have different potential, thinking, and knowledge, it is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 fact that unfairness will occur. But we still can try to be fair in
job
Use synonyms
 applications by considering their
skills
Use synonyms
 and qualifications, not by their
age
Use synonyms
. To conclude,
age
Use synonyms
 still is one of the considerations when choosing the applicants who applied for the
job
Use synonyms
, but it shouldn't be judged just by the fact that the person is old or young. We can start having fair connections between us and
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
improve our
skills
Use synonyms
 and technologies.
Submitted by dokmally2 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: