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Band 5.5

People today are increasingly use credit cards to make monthly purchases. However, it can lead to debt. Do advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #credit #cards #purchases #debt #outweigh
People
 are more interested in purchasing items with the use of
credit
cards
 rather than paying them in cash in these days. Some
people
 think that it is a positive trend for both users and businesses, whereas others still argue that
such
 kind of behaviour can lead
people
 to personal debts. I, personally, believe that the advantages of
credits
Change the noun form
credit
show examples
cards
 are more favourable. On the one hand, it is obvious that
owing
Correct your spelling
owning
show examples
 a
credit
 card can offer convenience.
For example
, while
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
travelling, the cardholders can carry it inside a pocket rather than taking a large amount of cash.
Moreover
, making a purchase with a
credit
 card, there is a chance of buyers expecting discounts
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
, which means
people
 can collect monthly scores in shopping malls and once they reach
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a certain point they can redeem cash-backs.
However
, the drawbacks related to
this
 practice are
also
 important to be taken into account.
Firstly
, it is widely said that due to its flexibility,
people
 are attracted to buy commodities they do not necessarily need.
In other words
, as
such
cards
 allow monthly payments, they lead them to long-term financial difficulties.
Nevertheless
, by holding a
credit
 card,
people
 can keep track of their expenses compared with endless use of cash money. In conclusion, despite the fact that
credit
cards
 can encourage
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 users
get
Add the particle
to get
show examples
 into severe debts, it is greatly beneficial to
people
 since it enables
people
 to regain returns on their purchased items as well as have
record
Add an article
a record
show examples
 of how well they spend their money.
Submitted by toryaung on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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