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Band 6.5

The charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The bar charts illustrate four destinations of graduates and postgraduates from the UK after leaving university in 2008.In
this
Linking Words
 case, people who went into full-time
work
Use synonyms
 after graduation were excluded. From an
overall
Linking Words
 perspective,the total
number
Use synonyms
 of graduated
students
Use synonyms
 was almost 10 times higher than that of postgraduates.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
students’
Correct your spelling
students
show examples
 desire to go for
further
Linking Words
 education was the highest destination of the other three choices.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, the fewest
number
Use synonyms
 of both of the total
students
Use synonyms
 kept them as volunteers. In terms of graduate
students
Use synonyms
, almost 30000
students
Use synonyms
 did
Linking Words
further
Add an article
a further
show examples
 study which was the highest demand of
four
Correct article usage
the four
show examples
 terms.
In contrast
Linking Words
, only 3500
students
Use synonyms
 were interested in volunteering after graduating which is the least
number
Use synonyms
overall
Linking Words
. The
number
Use synonyms
 of
students
Use synonyms
 who were involved in part-time
work
Use synonyms
 and became unemployed was averagely the same, 17735 and 16235 people respectively. With regard to postgraduates,the
number
Use synonyms
 of
students
Use synonyms
 who did
further
Linking Words
 study and part-time
work
Use synonyms
 showed similar numbers ( 2725 and 2535 respectively) which were about 9th times greater than that of voluntary
work
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of unemployed postgraduate
students
Use synonyms
 was 1625.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "further, moreover, overall".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words work, number, students with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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