The graphs below show the numbers of male and female workers in 1975 and 1995 in several employment sectors of the republic of Freedonia.
Both graphs refer to lead the percentages of
men
and Change noun form
men's
women
Change noun form
women's
employments
from 1975 till 1995.
Fix the agreement mistake
employment
Overall
, data shows clearly that men
are dominating in
the field of employment since 1975 and 1995. Change preposition
apply
However
, the woman also
did incredibly
progress in the given Change the word
incredible
last
20 years. according to
the first graph depicts, men
’s employments rate was higher for example
in the manufacturing sector preferred men
’s employees including in the communication sector employee utmost 75% were men
. in addition
, finance and banking firms also
filled with men
contributions. But more strikingly, women
appeared to be competing
Add the preposition
forcompeting
a
shoulder to shoulder against their male counterparts in communication sectors.
Moving up with 1995 data, Correct article usage
apply
women
made significant and impressive progress in retail and public industry. On top of that, women
outmatched their male counterparts in securing jobs in retail and communications. Furthermore
, in the communications and retail sectors allowed to half of the percentage were women
. In the finance industry, women
are not very far behind their males.
In comparison, last
20 years men
’s position was stable whereas
, women
’s hard work was
Unnecessary verb
apply
Flourished
and gave them better achievement rather than their males.Wrong verb form
flourishing
Submitted by ahtesham on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, last".
▼
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words men, women with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graphs" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
▼