The graphs below show the numbers of male and female workers in 1975 and 1995 in several employment sectors of the republic of Freedonia.

#graphs #show #numbers #workers #employment #sectors #republic #freedonia

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Both graphs refer to lead the percentages of

men

Change noun form

men's

show examples

and

women

Change noun form

women's

show examples

employments

Fix the agreement mistake

employment

show examples

from 1975 till 1995.

Overall

, data shows clearly that

men

are dominating

Change preposition

apply

show examples

the field of employment since 1975 and 1995.

However

, the woman

also

did

incredibly

Change the word

incredible

show examples

progress in the given

last

20 years.

according to

the first graph depicts,

men

’s employments rate was higher

for example

in the manufacturing sector preferred

men

’s employees including in the communication sector employee utmost 75% were

men

in addition

, finance and banking firms

also

filled with

men

contributions. But more strikingly,

women

appeared to be

competing

Add the preposition

forcompeting

show examples

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

shoulder to shoulder against their male counterparts in communication sectors. Moving up with 1995 data,

women

made significant and impressive progress in retail and public industry. On top of that,

women

outmatched their male counterparts in securing jobs in retail and communications.

Furthermore

, in the communications and retail sectors allowed to half of the percentage were

women

. In the finance industry,

women

are not very far behind their males. In comparison,

last

20 years

men

’s position was stable

whereas

women

’s hard work

was

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

Flourished

Wrong verb form

flourishing

show examples

and gave them better achievement rather than their males.

Submitted by ahtesham on Wed Jun 29 2022

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, last".

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.

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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.

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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.

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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words men, women with synonyms.

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Vocabulary: The word "graphs" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

189 words

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The graphs below show the numbers of male and female workers in 1975 and 1995 in several employment sectors of the republic of Freedonia.

Some people argue that government should spend their money on elderly people's care. However, other people say that government should focus more on education for young people. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In recent years, there has been a rise in the use of performance-enhancing drugs in sports. What are the consequences of doping for athletes? What measures should be taken to combat this issue?

Some people think that parents should be punished if their children commit crimes because they are responsible for their children's actions. To what extent do you agree or disagree

Some people think government should tax unhealthy food to encourage people to begin to eat more healthy foods. To what extent do you agree or disagree