Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organized group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Today’s world is filled with entertainment media and gaming websites, which
allures
Correct subject-verb agreement
allure
show examples
toddlers to stay alone indoors and engage in gaming
activities
. Some
individuals
might propose
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
urging the youngsters to participate in
activities
performed in groups, while few others might counterargue that these youngsters must be given
freedom
Add an article
the freedom
show examples
to engage themselves on their own. My opinion
is gravitated
Change to the active voice
gravitates
has gravitated
show examples
towards the viewpoint of the latter group. I shall elaborate on both the points and substantiate my grounds in the following paragraphs. Let us commence by looking into some of the benefits of the proposal to
advice
Replace the word
advise
show examples
youth to be a part of group
activities
, which
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
improving interpersonal skills and collaborating with
individuals
of different backgrounds. These merits are,
however
, not suitable for all
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the personalities.
For example
,
individuals
who are of introvert type do not perform well when they are
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
big
Add an article
a big
the big
show examples
crowd. The
counter proposal
Add a hyphen
counter-proposal
show examples
of allowing the youth to cultivate the ability to engage on their own appears to be more appealing, as
this
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
solution is not depending on the presence of others. In my opinion,
individuals
must not need other
individuals
to feel engaged and everybody should educate themselves to keep them engaged and happy for the greater good of their life. In conclusion, urging the
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
teenagers to get involved in
activities
performed in groups might not be suitable for all personalities.
Although
there is a possibility of these
individuals
tending towards wasting
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their valuable time by engaging in gaming and entertainment
activities
if left alone, it is advisable to give them freedom and help them to cultivate the skills to engage themselves in
fruitful
Add an article
a fruitful
show examples
way.
Submitted by sudha.smoorthy on

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  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • encourage
  • occupied
  • organized
  • group activities
  • benefits
  • social
  • teamwork skills
  • interpersonal skills
  • friendship
  • discipline
  • time management
  • interests
  • hobbies
  • independent play
  • creativity
  • problem-solving skills
  • self-reliance
  • explore
  • discover
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