IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

It is believed that children from countries with a high level of unemployment should be offered just with a primary education and not with a secondary education as they in any case will not get a job in the future. Do you agree or disagree?

#children #countries #level #unemployment #education #case #job #future
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Recruiting in a
desire
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desired
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 job is a challenging wish for
graduated
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graduates
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 from universities
in
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apply
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particularly
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particular
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,
amongst
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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nations
that
Correct word choice
where
show examples
 there is an
unsecurity
Correct your spelling
insecurity
 to providing jobs for youngers.So, it has
rosen
Correct your spelling
risen
 the idea that engagement in the tertiary course is a way of wasting money and
time
,even, if it may be right in some
Correct your spelling
situations
situatons
Correct your spelling
situations
 and some people allege that there is a better way to
investing
Wrong verb form
invest
show examples
 wealth of youth for earning income ,but ,I believe the academic
education
 can
be survive
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survive
show examples
 the society from many problems in future
such
 as finding a solution for insecurity job position and poverty in their country in a long
time
.For analyzing
this
 idea ,I am going to bring the
numbers
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
pieces
evidence
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of evidence
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 about the deficiency of professional persons is so harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
community
Add an article
the community
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 and the vast
numbers
 of
specialties
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specialities
show examples
 can be able to produce solutions to tackle some issues
such
 as reducing unemployment. At
first
,the lack of individuals who are professional and
awareness
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aware
show examples
 in their field has many negative effects on the development of the nation,
for example
,one of the infrastructures of
education
 and health system is building suitable places ,so, if the students have
leaved
Correct your spelling
left
show examples
 their studies in engineering because there is no position to
hiring
Change the form of the verb
hire
show examples
 after that passing the study
time
 ,
as a result
, the schools and hospitals will not be creating and our children will not go to primary school and the patients will not under treatment and lose their
live
Replace the word
life
show examples
,
finally
 ,the
numbers
 of problems will be increasing and the population will have a difficult
time
 for living,
in addition
 ,
policy makers
Correct your spelling
policymakers
show examples
 must be
inact
Correct your spelling
in
intact
enact
 the laws that these are capable to making the companies should be a
sponser
Correct your spelling
sponsor
 of work security for citizens,so ,it is clear for having professional policy makers that freshers must be undertaken of proper
education
 in primary,secondary and tertiary courses to gaining abilities to tackle
this
 confliction. In conclusion, governments must become the backbone of
this
 problem
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and should be produced the vast
numbers
 of
Add an article
a profession
the profession
show examples
profession
Replace the word
professionals
show examples
 that
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
have found solutions to solving
this
 problem,
at
Change the preposition
in
show examples
 the end, I would stress
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the statement has said that children must leave their higher
education
 because
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 not enough positions to hiring them is so harmful and must be removed from the mind of people.
Submitted by homa.ebrahimi987 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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