IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

1.The consumption of the world's resources (oil, and water etc.) is increasing at a dangerous rate. What are causes and solutions?

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It is true that the world is consuming too many natural
resources
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such
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 as oil and water. There are several reasons behind
this
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 trend and some solutions should be adopted to resolve
this
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 problem.
To begin
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 with, the main reason why global natural
resources
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 are depleting at an alarming rate is that many developing countries rely heavily on these
resources
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 for their economy. As a matter of fact, non-renewable
energy
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resources
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such
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 as oil or coal are considered to be suitable for the development of developing nations since they are much cheaper than renewable
energy
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such
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 as solar or hydroelectric ones.
Therefore
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, these countries would rather invest in exploiting their own natural
resources
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 than spend money on expensive devices to utilize renewable
energy
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 sources. There are two feasible measures to tackle the problem of worldwide natural resource overexploitation.
Firstly
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, a higher tax on these kinds of
resources
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 should be phased in by the government. In fact, the tax could act as a deterrent, which might prevent people from over-using those power
resources
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.
Therefore
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, people could turn to renewable
energy
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 as an alternative,
thus
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 decreasing non-renewable
energy
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 usage.
Secondly
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, the government should implement policies to encourage people to use sustainable
energy
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such
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 as solar.
For example
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, the government can spend money on helping citizens to install solar panels.
Consequently
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, citizens would be more willing to use these kinds of alternative power
resources
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. In conclusion, the overuse of the world’s
resources
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 is a big problem for all countries and solutions should be implemented urgently to tackle
this
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 issue.

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coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear, but they could be more engaging and impactful. Try to use more dynamic language and compelling statements to better hook the reader's attention.
coherence cohesion
Watch out for your logical structure. Ensure that your arguments and supporting points flow coherently from one to the next, creating a smooth and structured essay.
task achievement
Ensure that you fully address all aspects of the task, providing a clear and comprehensive response to the essay prompt. Also, incorporate more relevant and specific examples to support your ideas.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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