IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In many school and universities, girls tend to choose arts and subjects (eg. languages) and boys choose science subjects (eg. Physics). What do you think are the reasons? Do you think that this tendency should be changed?

#school #universities #girls #arts #subjects #eg #languages #boys #science #physics #tendency
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It has become a trend that the majority of
girls
 across the country persuade the fewer demand courses
such
 as arts and languages in their school and graduation studies. Whereas boys opt for courses which have a high value in
society
such
 as Maths, Physics and so on.
This
 essay will discuss the causes behind
this
 culture and is
this
 practice is good to continue or not. The primary reason for
this
 trend is parents' discriminative views toward
girls
' education. Many parents still think that they will not get benefit much from studying
girls
 as they move out of their reach after they get married, and it is a waste of money to invest in them. The
second
 prominent reason is, that
society
 still thinks that
girls
 are made to look after the home. Though
this
 thought is being changed in recent times but still a lot of parents living in
this
 old age thinking. For an instance, a recent study conducted by National
Women
 Welfare Organization reveals that there is 70 per cent of families prefer not to give high-demand courses which require a significant amount of money to study those subjects. Undoubtedly,
this
 culture is not acceptable as
this
 may worsen gender equality in high-valued
positions
 in
society
. The trend will worsen the chances of bringing best-suited schemes for
women
's betterment in various sectors as
this
 is effectively done by
women
 who are very low in
such
 prominent
positions
 in the current government bodies. In my view, the private charitable trusts should work along with the government to bring awareness about the need for hours for
women
 in
a high
Correct the article-noun agreement
a high position
high positions
show examples
positions
 by pursuing science subjects in school and graduation times. In my opinion, the parent's thought process towards the
girls
that is
 limited to just giving education for sake of getting a degree rather than encouraging them to pursue the science subjects
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 should be changed as
this
 benefits in reducing the gender gap in high valued
positions
 in
society
 in near future.
Submitted by nagesh.dnr on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: