IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In countries where there is high unemployment, most pupils should be offered only primary education. There is no point in offering secondary education to those who will have no hope of finding a job. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #unemployment #pupils #education #point #hope #job
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There are some
people
Use synonyms
think
Correct pronoun usage
who think
show examples
 don’t let
people
Use synonyms
 offer secondary
education
Use synonyms
, but offer primary
education
Use synonyms
 in a high
rate
Fix the agreement mistake
rates
show examples
 of
unemployment’s countries
Change noun form
unemployment
show examples
. I think it is a reason. There
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
lot
Correct article usage
a lot
show examples
 of different
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 to become
this
Linking Words
. On the
one
Use synonyms
 hand, there are many reasons
at
Change preposition
for
show examples
high
Correct article usage
the high
show examples
 rate of unemployment.
Economic
Add an article
The economic
An economic
show examples
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 which is
a
Change the article
apply
show examples
one
Use synonyms
 of the common problems. When the economic environment is bad, the
jobs
Use synonyms
 will become less
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
people
Use synonyms
can’t
Use synonyms
 find
jobs
Use synonyms
. It is because when the environment is bad,
company
Add an article
the company
show examples
 don’t want to apply
employee
Add an article
the employee
show examples
 to control the money that
allow
Change the verb form
allows
show examples
people
Use synonyms
can’t
Use synonyms
 find
jobs
Use synonyms
. And
company
Add an article
a company
show examples
 like to find the high
education
Use synonyms
 more than low
education
Use synonyms
.
Use synonyms
One
Correct your spelling
On
show examples
 the other hand, having
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
high level
Add a hyphen
high-level
show examples
education
Use synonyms
 which not only good for children to learn knowledge
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
like math, Chinese,
English
Correct word choice
and English
show examples
, but
also
Linking Words
 allow children to learn how to build
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
relationship with other.
These knowledges
Fix the agreement mistake
This knowledge
show examples
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 good for
people
Use synonyms
 to find
Use synonyms
job
Add an article
a job
show examples
. When
people
Use synonyms
 learn more that they can find more different
jobs
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, when
people
Use synonyms
 want to be a businessman, they need to learn
math
Correct your spelling
maths
show examples
, English and
economic
Replace the word
economics
show examples
 which we
can’t
Use synonyms
 learn in primary
education
Use synonyms
. Without the knowledge, we
can’t
Use synonyms
 find
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 new
job
Use synonyms
 while we lose the
job
Use synonyms
 and only find
one
Use synonyms
 type of
job
Use synonyms
. To conclude,
education
Use synonyms
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is more important for
people
Use synonyms
 to find
different
Add an article
a different
show examples
Use synonyms
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 when they have more knowledge. And
people
Use synonyms
can’t
Use synonyms
 find
Use synonyms
job
Add an article
a job
show examples
 not only because of their
education
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
Linking Words
 because of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
other reason.
Submitted by fkamn12354 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: