IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In countries where there is high unemployment, most pupils should be offered only primary education. There is no point in offering secondary education to those who will have no hope of finding a job. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #unemployment #pupils #education #point #hope #job
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There are some
people
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 who think don’t let
people
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 offer secondary
education
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, but offer primary
education
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 in a high
rate
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rates
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 of
unemployment’s countries
Change noun form
unemployment
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. I think it is a reason. There
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 a lot of different reasons to become
this
Linking Words
. On the one hand, there are many reasons for the high rate of unemployment. The economic
environments
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environment
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which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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is
Change the verb form
are
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a
Change the article
apply
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one of the common problems. When the economic environment is bad, the
jobs
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 will become
less
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
which makes
people
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can’t
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 find
jobs
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. It is because when the environment is bad, the company don’t want to apply the employee to control the money that allows
people
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can’t
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 find
jobs
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. And a company like to find
the
Correct article usage
apply
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high
education
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 more than low
education
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, having high-level
education
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 which not only good for children to learn
knowledge
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which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
like math, Chinese and English, but
also
Linking Words
 allow children to learn how to build
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
relationship with
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
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.
This
Linking Words
knowledge
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which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is good for
people
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 to find
jobs
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. When
people
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 learn more that they can find more different
jobs
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.
For example
Linking Words
, when
people
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 want to be a businessman, they need to learn
math
Correct your spelling
maths
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, English and economics which we
can’t
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 learn in primary
education
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. Without the
knowledge
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, we
can’t
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 find
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 new
job
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 while we lose the
job
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 and only find one type of
job
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. To conclude,
education
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which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is more important for
people
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 to find different
jobs
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 when they have more
knowledge
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. And
people
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can’t
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 find
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job
Add an article
a job
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 not only because of their
education
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,
Remove the comma
apply
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 but
also
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 because of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
other reason.
Submitted by fkamn12354 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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