Coins and paper money will soon be replaced by credit and bank cards. Eventually we will have a cashless society which will be safer and more convenient for everyone. Do you agree or disagree

In recent times, we have been approaching a cashless society
that is
Linking Words
more easy
Correct word choice
easier
show examples
and
safe
Correct word choice
safer
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for citizens and is
near
Correct word choice
close
show examples
to replacing cash and coins totally. I totally agree with the fact that
this
Linking Words
transformation is safe and convenient
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
however
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, it is difficult for a few groups in our community to process
such
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digital transactions. First of all, thanks to the disruptive technology of online banking
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
has made it quite easy and secure to use our funds. People are
now
Rephrase
apply
show examples
no longer required to rely on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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note
Fix the agreement mistake
notes
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and protect
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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all the time at home or outside the house.
In addition
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, internet banking saves a lot of time in busy working schedules, by not
being required to meet
Wrong verb form
require meeting
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a person or an authority to exchange payments.
Also
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, it saves our in-person shopping hours by providing digital shopping in our
comfort
Check wording
homes
show examples
. A perfect example is our monthly wage
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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we receive electronically without our time being wasted by going to the bank with a cheque.
Thus
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, online transactions have
progressed
Verb problem
improved
show examples
security in terms of finance.
On the other hand
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, there are still a few poor and
old-aged
Use the right word
elderly
show examples
groups in our society who find it hard to understand the functioning of online transfer. The illiterate
labour
Use the right word
labourers
show examples
in a country
receives
Correct subject-verb agreement
receive
show examples
a small amount of daily wage
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
can not be saved in a bank account, and tend to use notes for their expenses.
Moreover
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, senior citizens who have
the
Correct article usage
a
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low gasping intellect to understand the system of internet processes face difficulty
flowing
Verb problem
keeping
show examples
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along
Change preposition
up
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with the trend,
therefore
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,
inclined
Verb problem
are inclined
show examples
to use wealth in currency form.
For illustrating
Change preposition
To illustrate
show examples
this
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, my grandfather didn't choose an online system to manage capital because he thought it was a confusing way of transaction.
Hence
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, it seems that there will be some groups in society that will prefer to do
notes
Fix the agreement mistake
note
show examples
exchange rather than online.
To sum up
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,
although
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digital banking has
peaked
Verb problem
been around
show examples
for years, it is being resisted by many folks.
However
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, the developing technology would eradicate
such
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problems and make it even more accessible and suitable for every group in various regions to handle it.

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overall
Your task response shows a view but needs a clear main idea in the intro and a stronger end.
coherence
Make your ideas flow better. Plan the essay, and use a lead sentence for each paragraph to link to the prompt.
examples
Give more clear, real examples to prove your points; add two or three points that show why cashless can help and what can go wrong.
language
Use simple, right words. Avoid long or odd phrases and fix errors in spell or use.
position
You show a clear stance that many will move to online pay.
structure
You end with a clear 'To sum up' line to close your view.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
Topic Vocabulary:
  • cashless
  • money
  • coins
  • notes
  • cards
  • bank
  • payment
  • safe
  • easy
  • fast
  • online
  • shop
  • pay
  • people
  • old
  • poor
  • rural
  • internet
  • device
  • risk
  • crime
  • hack
  • data
  • private
  • info
  • policy
  • mix
  • cash
  • help
  • teach
  • support
  • access
  • emergency
  • system
  • growth
  • cost
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