IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people argue that it is more important to have an enjoable job than to earn a lot of money. Others disagree and think that a good salary leads to a better life. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Some think that it is better to have your lovely vocation without considering
salary
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
 others believe that a good
salary
Use synonyms
 contributes to a better life generally. I mainly believe that practising enjoyable work and getting
money
Use synonyms
 by working for a wonderful company is much more important than a good
salary
Use synonyms
. On
Correct article usage
the one
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one
Correct article usage
the one
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 hand, there are many reasons why
people
Use synonyms
 opine that
salary
Use synonyms
 is uselessly unimportant compared to an enjoyable work atmosphere. The prominent reason is the belief that
money
Use synonyms
 is not all that humans have to search for
while
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 there are several things and feelings that
people
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 have to consider.
For example
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, the quietness in their workplace, and that sense of togetherness
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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can lead to peaceful and efficient work in the organization.
In addition
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, creating a variety of friendly relationships is incredibly nice and helpful for guaranteeing a more convenient job atmosphere.
On the other hand
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, some
people
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 see that the essential part of having a job is the
salary
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 which could positively change your
utter
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apply
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life.
Additionally
Linking Words
, they believe it has the power to enhance your life by putting you in a high position in your society.
Moreover
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, it might help society get rid of poverty.
For instance
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, a worker who has an enormous income and
salary
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 can help poor
people
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 by giving them
money
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 or even providing
a
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apply
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convenient shelter for them if they do not. In a nutshell, after weighing up both sides of the argument, I have come to the conclusion that even though the
salary
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 is a vital purpose of having a job, choosing your lovely vocation, and working on what you are interested in is much more practical and vital. From my perspective, I think that I can
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
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both earn
money
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 and enjoy my occupation
also
Linking Words
.

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task response
The essay provides a generally clear response to the task, addressing both views and providing an opinion. However, the response lacks depth and needs more thorough exploration of the ideas.
coherence and cohesion
The essay shows some use of linking words and cohesive devices, but there are issues with paragraph structure and coherence. The introduction and conclusion need to be more present and the main points require better development and connection.
lexical resource
The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of vocabulary, but there are instances of inaccuracies and repetitive word choices. More precise and varied vocabulary would enhance the essay's quality.
grammatical range
The essay displays a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but there are recurring grammatical errors and inadequacies in sentence formation. Improvement in sentence variety and accuracy is necessary for a higher score.
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