Many parents are unhappy with the amount of violence in video games, TV programs and other leisure activities. How harmful could this be to children? What could be done to solve this problem?

#parents #amount #violence #video #games #tv #programs #leisure #activities #be #children

Most parents feel discontent with the

level

Correct your spelling

violence

violece

Correct your spelling

violence

video

games

, television and leisure

activities

This

could be a deep negative influence

for

Change preposition

show examples

children

because violent

games

negatively influence

Change preposition

apply

show examples

children

Change noun form

children's

show examples

behavior

Change the spelling

behaviour

show examples

, and the most viable solution is to set stronger regulations on the

level

of violence

allow

Add the particle

to allow

show examples

Change preposition

show examples

this

Correct determiner usage

these

show examples

video

games

Correct your spelling

One

show examples

Correct your spelling

One

show examples

of the main issues about playing

video

games

is that

children

Correct your spelling

tend

show examples

tent

Correct your spelling

tend

show examples

to imitate behaviours observed

Change preposition

show examples

the

games

. Another thing, The

level

of violence in these

video

games

untolerable

Correct your spelling

intolerable

because some of them include

fireguns

Correct your spelling

fire guns

and obscene words that later on

are pronounce

Change the verb form

are pronounced

show examples

Change preposition

apply

show examples

them. More

importantly

Add a comma

,importantly

show examples

is that

children

do not differentiate what is fiction or what is reality.

As a result

this

Add a comma

,this

show examples

some of them get hurt by replying

scenes

Change preposition

to scenes

show examples

watched on the videos.

For instance

, in the

Unites

Correct your spelling

United

show examples

States

Add a comma

,States

show examples

there have been seen

mutliples

Correct your spelling

multiples

multiple

cases in which

children

get into their parents' room and find a gun, so

this

situation

make

Change the verb form

makes

show examples

children

believe that they can start shooting all over the place without

Correct your spelling

consequences

consecuences

Correct your spelling

consequences

. Unfortunately, many of them

has

Change the verb form

have

show examples

died. The most viable solution is that the

Correct your spelling

government

goverment

Correct your spelling

government

set higher

restrinctions

Correct your spelling

restrictions

for people who made these

games

to avoid explicit scenes, words and

Correct your spelling

aggression

agression

Correct your spelling

aggression

implied

Change preposition

show examples

these

games

. More importantly, it is vital

being

Change the verb form

to be

show examples

careful

Change preposition

about

show examples

how the game' s

activities

are presented to decrease the

level

of violence

Change preposition

show examples

these recreational

games

or programs. On top of

this

, the intention of these

activities

should not be related to

kill

Wrong verb form

killing

show examples

Wrong verb form

searching

show examples

for people or animals to

Correct your spelling

harm

hurm

Correct your spelling

hurt

them because these actions tend to

being

Change the verb form

show examples

seeing

Change the form of the verb

seen

show examples

as normal. To explain

further

, In

California

Add a comma

,California

show examples

the University of Fullerton made a

studied

Replace the word

study

show examples

Correct your spelling

which

show examples

wich

Correct your spelling

which

show examples

proved that

children

do not get

Correct your spelling

happiness

happines

Correct your spelling

happiness

Change preposition

with

show examples

playing

games

if these

activities

are not related on kill or

caught

Wrong verb form

catching

show examples

the opponent.

This

proved that the game

need

Change the verb form

needs

show examples

to be related

with

Change preposition

show examples

Correct your spelling

aggression

agression

Correct your spelling

aggression

activities

if they want to be

Correct your spelling

successful

succesful

Correct your spelling

successful

. In conclusion, looking for the right balance of

leissure

Correct your spelling

leisure

activities

for

children

and

parents

Change noun form

parents'

parent's

show examples

approval as healthy

activities

Change preposition

for

show examples

their boys might be

resolve

Wrong verb form

resolved

show examples

if the

Correct your spelling

government

goverment

Correct your spelling

government

put hands on strict regulations for

video

games

Submitted by cuevas14dic on Sun Aug 07 2022

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

4Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
63Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

357 words

5.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 checks
Get all the feedback you need to keep improving your charts and letters.
Unlimited Task 2 checks
Practice and perfect your skills with essays.
Personalized suggestions
Know how to boost your score.
Detailed mistakes analysis
Get instant feedback. Spot every mistake.
Topic ideas generator
Get topic-specific ideas to enhance your writing.
Vocabulary helper
Get the right words for any topic.
Progress tracking
Track your writing improvements.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

4
band
In some countries, more and more people are becoming interested to finding out about the history of the house or building they live in. What are the reasons for this? How can people research this?
In contemporary society, people have a curiocity about find information in their history. In some states the majority of people are being interested to search about historical value of places which they are living. I believe there are several caurses for that and several ways are available to find out the setails. This essay would discuss what are the reason for that while considering the possible way to do research.
6
band
What damage does plastic do for the environment? Whta can be done by governments and individuals to solve this problem?
The consumption of plastic has increased drastically over the years, leading to the dramatic consequences for the environment. This essay will examine its global impact and consider possible ways to mitigate plastic’s effect on nature.
7
band
You recently went to a concert and thought one of the singers was very good. You want to tell him how you feel. Write a letter to the singer. In your letter •say how you feel about his performance •give details of your musical activities •explain how you would like him to help you with your musical activities
How are you doing? I am writing to express my happiness towards your performance at the concert held yesterday, I must commend you for your wonderful performance. You sang wonderfully well,and I hope to reach out to souls with my voice just like you do. I believe you created an impact on people's lives yesterday.
5
band
Millions of dollars are spent on space research every year. Some people argue the money should be spent on improving living standards on Earth. Do you agree or disagree?
This essay will explain my opinion that huge amounts of money should be poured into bettering life standards instead of space exploration as current.
8.5
band
When a country develops its technology, the traditional skills and ways of life die out. It is pointless to try and keep them alive. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion.
Technological advances are inevitable in all areas of human life and the speed of growth is accelerating in many fields of technology which significantly affects our daily life. Even though these developments make our traditional ways of living seem old-fashioned and inefficient, however, I think that there are plenty of reasons to keep the old skills alive.

Many parents are unhappy with the amount of violence in video games, TV programs and other leisure activities. How harmful could this be to children? What could be done to solve this problem?

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

In some countries, more and more people are becoming interested to finding out about the history of the house or building they live in. What are the reasons for this? How can people research this?

What damage does plastic do for the environment? Whta can be done by governments and individuals to solve this problem?

Millions of dollars are spent on space research every year. Some people argue the money should be spent on improving living standards on Earth. Do you agree or disagree?

When a country develops its technology, the traditional skills and ways of life die out. It is pointless to try and keep them alive. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion.