IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people argue that it is not wise for an industry to replace its experienced but old workers with new and young yet inexperienced individuals. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #industry #workers #individuals
There is an argument that it is not wise for
industry
Correct article usage
the industry
show examples
 to replace the old and experienced
workers
 with new but inexperienced individuals. Personally, I strongly disagree with
this
 assessment. Replacement is necessary for the long-term survival of the industry because the elderly would often suffer from health problems whose main cause is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 weakened
immunity
Replace the word
immune
show examples
 system. Because of
this
, older
workers
 tend to get tired rather quickly.
Therefore
 the frequency of breaks
increase
Fix the agreement mistake
increases
show examples
 which leads to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 decrease in productivity.
On the other hand
, young individuals who are in the prime of their life can easily work
Correct your spelling
continuously
continously
Correct your spelling
continuously
 for hours. The youth are overall better than the elders. Young
people
 have a sharper mind which can improve productivity and an open mindset that can open up many creative ideas,
new
Correct word choice
and new
show examples
 possibilities.
This
 is possible because young
workers
 are more active and creative. Young
people
also
 should be given an opportunity to develop as a person and gain experiences. There is an old saying which can
be understand
Change the verb form
be understood
show examples
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
: "The youth is the ones that will hold the earth's destiny in the future", so the young must be experienced enough to solve the world's many problems. I think the
people
whom
Change the pronoun
who
show examples
 are against the replacement of the elderly
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 not thinking about the matter enough. The industry cannot develop with the slow pace of older
workers
 who cannot keep up their good work like in their 20s. In conclusion, the idea of replacing experienced but old
workers
 with young, inexperienced
workers
 is well thought out and I'm sure most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
 will agree with it too.
Submitted by shin.le1988 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • experienced
  • old workers
  • young
  • inexperienced
  • replace
  • industry
  • wise
  • argue
  • valuable
  • skills
  • knowledge
  • loss of expertise
  • lack
  • necessary
  • experience
  • maturity
  • diverse
  • workforce
  • mix
  • age groups
  • beneficial
  • focus
  • providing opportunities
  • continuous learning
  • development
  • balanced approach
  • smooth transition
  • maintain productivity
What to do next:
Look at other essays: