IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people argue that it is not wise for an industry to replace its experienced but old workers with new and young yet inexperienced individuals. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #industry #workers #individuals
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There is an argument that it is not wise for
industry
Correct article usage
the industry
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 to replace the old and experienced
workers
Use synonyms
 with new but inexperienced individuals. Personally, I strongly disagree with
this
Linking Words
 assessment. Replacement is necessary for the long-term survival of the industry because the elderly would often suffer from health problems whose main cause is
the
Correct article usage
a
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 weakened
immunity
Replace the word
immune
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 system. Because of
this
Linking Words
, older
workers
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 tend to get tired rather quickly.
Therefore
Linking Words
 the frequency of breaks
increase
Fix the agreement mistake
increases
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 which leads to
the
Correct article usage
a
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 decrease in productivity.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, young individuals who are in the prime of their life can easily work
Correct your spelling
continuously
continously
Correct your spelling
continuously
 for hours. The youth are overall better than the elders. Young
people
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 have a sharper mind which can improve productivity and an open mindset that can open up many creative ideas,
new
Correct word choice
and new
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 possibilities.
This
Linking Words
 is possible because young
workers
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 are more active and creative. Young
people
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also
Linking Words
 should be given an opportunity to develop as a person and gain experiences. There is an old saying which can
be understand
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be understood
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as
Change preposition
apply
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: "The youth is the ones that will hold the earth's destiny in the future", so the young must be experienced enough to solve the world's many problems. I think the
people
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whom
Change the pronoun
who
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 are against the replacement of the elderly
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 not thinking about the matter enough. The industry cannot develop with the slow pace of older
workers
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 who cannot keep up their good work like in their 20s. In conclusion, the idea of replacing experienced but old
workers
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 with young, inexperienced
workers
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 is well thought out and I'm sure most
of
Change preposition
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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people
Use synonyms
 will agree with it too.
Submitted by shin.le1988 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • experienced
  • old workers
  • young
  • inexperienced
  • replace
  • industry
  • wise
  • argue
  • valuable
  • skills
  • knowledge
  • loss of expertise
  • lack
  • necessary
  • experience
  • maturity
  • diverse
  • workforce
  • mix
  • age groups
  • beneficial
  • focus
  • providing opportunities
  • continuous learning
  • development
  • balanced approach
  • smooth transition
  • maintain productivity
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