IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some employers offer their employees subsidised membership of gyms and sports clubs, believing that this will make the stuff healthier and thus more effective at work. Other employers see no benefit in doing so. Consider the arguments from both aspects of this possible debate, and reach a conclusion.

#employers #offer #employees #membership #gyms #sports #clubs #stuff #work #benefit #arguments #aspects #debate #conclusion
Maintaining
work
 schedules and
health
 at the same time has become an essential part of our daily lives.
However
, some groups provide discounted memberships in fitness clubs and
gyms
 thinking that it will make the crowd more
health
 conscious and more productive at
work
. On the other ,hand few communities think
this
 has no correlation between
work
 and
health
 care incentives.In the following , a topic I will consider both topics and give a conclusion. According to the research by
health
 care institutions and many employers nowadays
people
 are not effective at
work
 due to their lack of
health
 and cannot focus on
work
. So many big companies came up with the idea to provide incentives correlated to
gyms
 and sports membership and the results were big breakthroughs for those companies.The owners and
gyms
 saw a big hike that
people
 are now focusing on both
health
 as well as
work
.
People
 started to get healthier , lot of physical and mental diseases started getting solved like headaches and back pain.
This
 has benefited all the
people
 , employers , gym owners , and employees. On the opposite side of
this
 , a situation many associations think would be waste of time, money and resource. Owners believe that providing
such
 benefits to
people
 will not create any impact on their personal lives. To demonstrate, Pizza Hut Canada started that their employees would receive a 50 per cent discount to
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
specific
numbers
Correct the article-noun agreement
number
show examples
 all over Canada after a few months survey was taken it gave exclamatory results. Less than 10 per cent of their workers went to
gyms
!
This
 shows that there were not many effective results. To conclude , by observing both the scenarios I would strongly believe that benefits and incentives must be provided in order to attract new employees and
people
 taking care of
health
 is the sole responsibility of the
people
 as well as their employers.
Submitted by KUSH  on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: