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Band 4.5

In some countries it is now illegal to reject someone applying for a job because of his or her age. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#countries #someone #job #age #development
Work
 plays an integral role in an individual’s life. In certain nations because of modernization, it is unlawful to refuse any person owing to over-aged owners. I think it is negative growth for organizations provided that they opt for young staff. Freshers can decrease the growth of organizations if they
would be
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 appointed. Rather than choosing professional employees in a workplace, some companies can find difficulties in terms of educating youngsters because freshers are newly introduced to
work
 when they begin their
carrier
Correct your spelling
careers
show examples
. To explain it, many large organizations have faced ample obstacles when they have to train a fresher, and sometimes they
mistake
Correct subject-verb agreement
mistakes
show examples
while
 doing
work
.
Consequently
,
this
 issue may spoil a
company
’s image toward a consumer.
Moreover
, some problems might be tackled by employers on account of fresher staff. A newly higher person always has less knowledge,
whereas
 experienced multitudes require no training to complete any task in the
company
 without the assistance of any gentleman. If the preference should be given to
trained-man
Correct your spelling
trained men
show examples
, it would be advantageous for industries. Certain health issues can be coped with by over-aged individuals. Recruiting skilled people at
work
 sometimes may be harmful as some oppose that these individuals over 60 might face concentration health diseases,
it
Correct word choice
and it
show examples
 can be arduous for an organization to fulfil the full requirement of a customer.
In addition
, a
company
 has to
also
 provide insurance facilities to their professionals.
As a result
, it can be cumbersome for employees. In conclusion,
although
 young employees can be found easily
for
Change preposition
by
show examples
 a
company
, they cannot assist the
company
to fulfil
Change preposition
in fulfilling
show examples
 their needs. Personally, professionals can
work
 excellently which is demanded by industries.
Submitted by sameermanku on

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coherence cohesion
The introduction is vague and lacks a clear thesis statement. Try to provide a clearer and more focused introduction that directly addresses the essay prompt.
coherence cohesion
The ideas presented are not clearly organized and lack coherence. Focus on structuring your ideas in a more logical and organized manner to improve coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
The response provides some relevant ideas but lacks depth and clarity. Try to develop your ideas more extensively and provide clearer explanations to enhance task achievement.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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