Some people argue that it is more important to have an enjoyable job than to earn a lot of money. Others disagree and think that a good salary leads to a better life.

When choosing a suitable work-for-
life
career,
people
have different mindsets.It is thought by some
people
that the amount of salary should not be
concerned
Verb problem
considered
show examples
as the key factor to getting a successful job.
On the other hand
,
people
believe that only the huge burden of
money
can lead
the
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
direction to a higher position in
life
rather than any other responsibilities.
This
essay will depict each corner of both sides and explain my own opinion.
To begin
with,they do not have workplace happiness if
people
give priority to their salaries.
As a result
,they do not have a chance to earn much more
money
since they lack their own interests.So,it is really important to have an enjoyable job than to earn a lot of
money
.As
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
saying goes,'
money
in hand cannot buy you happiness, the pleasantest career has an impact on human's liability rather than earning a lot of
money
in occupation.All jobs require employees to be responsible for their actions,
such
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
as the doctor might
be had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
thoroughness to take care of patients.
On the other hand
, others argue that nice remuneration is
also
a crucial factor for myriad employees in
life
. The first reason is having a generous salary help worker afford the increasing
highly
Change the word
high
show examples
living expenses. It is more comfortable to pay daily expenses
such
as housing, telephone and petrol creating
highly
Change the word
high
show examples
life
pressure on independent survival. Another reason is the connection between wealth and material possessions with happiness and success. They claim that satisfying wages might support them to enjoy the convenience described in the
life
of a succeeding person
such
as living in a smart house and relaxing in a luxury resort.
To conclude
, there are strong arguments for a satisfactory job.
Nevertheless
, I maintain my original position that having exited work is more necessary than a nice salary. If we want to improve the best wage,
then
promoting experience, talent and responsibility are the best options.
Submitted by tr.zarwaihnin on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that there is a logical progression of ideas throughout the essay. Additionally, use transitions to connect ideas and improve the flow of the essay.
task response
Focus on fully addressing the prompt and supporting your ideas with relevant examples and details. Ensure that all parts of the prompt are addressed in a clear and effective manner.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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