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Writing Samples
Band 5

When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration for many. Others, however, prefer different other aspects of a job over the salary they earn. Do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
It is
irrefutable
Correct article usage
an irrefutable
show examples
 fact that salary is the most important consideration when embarking on a career.
According to
Linking Words
 some experts, people wish to do a job which can provide them with only good remuneration. I disagree with the above perspective.
This
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 essay will throw light on the points which support
this
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 view in the upcoming paragraphs.
Body paragraph 1
To commence with, there are some reasons which are given by supporters. Primarily, they believe that a high salary package can give them a better standard of living.
In other words
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, it gives them a sufficient amount to spend on the welfare of their families. To exemplify it, employees
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 are paid a higher amount spend a large amount on vacations
as well as
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 on the education of their offspring in comparison with others.
Additionally
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, financial funds can fulfil their all desires which they want to accomplish like, the construction of accommodation.
Body paragraph 2
On the other side, there are other factors which a person considers
while
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 deciding on their work.
Firstly
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, Job security is an equally important aspect because it
made
Wrong verb form
makes
show examples
 them tensed with the thought that they can be fired at any time.
Thus
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, people prefer to do stable jobs
instead
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 of getting a higher salary.
For instance
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, staff who are hired on a temporary basis are suffering from serious medical ailments like depression and stress.
Secondly
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, the nature of work is
also
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 a major factor which is considered during finding a new job. An employee wants to do the tasks which interest them and they do not get bored.
Conclusion
To sum up
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, I would like to reiterate that the view mentioned in the latter paragraph is more effective and powerful rather than the former.
Therefore
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, I completely disagree with the statement mentioned in the given question.

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task response
The essay does not fully address the prompt. It needs to present a more balanced view by acknowledging the importance of salary for some individuals and then argue for the importance of other aspects of a job. Additionally, the examples provided lack specificity and do not effectively support the points made.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but they are not strong or impactful. The essay lacks clear topic sentences and does not effectively transition between ideas, leading to a disjointed and patchy flow of ideas.
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