IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

You recently bought a piece of computer equipment but it was broken. You work at home and you need this equipment for your work. Write a letter to the shop manager. In this letter: • describe the problem with the equipment • explain how this problem is affecting your work • say what you would like the shop to do

Dear Sir, My name is Gurmit Singh.
Last
Linking Words
 week, I bought a keyboard for my Dell
computer
Use synonyms
 from your shop. I am writing
this
Linking Words
 letter to inform you that when I
open
Wrong verb form
opened
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 that
box
Punctuation problem
box,
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unfortunately
Punctuation problem
unfortunately,
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 I found it
damage
Replace the word
damaged
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 as together
as
Correct word choice
and
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when I tried to connect it to my
Use synonyms
computer
Punctuation problem
computer,
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 it was not working. I would like to tell you that I am a software Engineer
Linking Words
hence
Punctuation problem
, hence
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, throughout the day I ought to spend
the
Correct article usage
apply
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most time on the
computer
Use synonyms
. As you
know
Punctuation problem
know,
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this
Linking Words
 equipment is a crucial part of the
computer
Use synonyms
Linking Words
Punctuation problem
; thus
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thus
Punctuation problem
thus,
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 it is challenging for me to survive without a keyboard
,
Punctuation problem
. As
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as a result
Linking Words
, I am unable to complete my task within the working time period. I know you are a
reputed
Correct word choice
reputable
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 firm of our city,
therefore
Linking Words
, I would like to recommend that
please
Correct pronoun usage
you please
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 change
this
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 part as soon as possible so that I can continue my work
with
Change preposition
without
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 a delay of time. I will send it to you by tomorrow morning. I hope you will take it seriously. Your Sincerely

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content
Be clear. Start with the problem, then say how it stops your work, and finish with what you want the shop to do.
style
Use short sentences. Write in a simple way to keep ideas easy to read.
content
Add exact details like when you bought the item and what you want (a replacement or refund).
tone
Finish with a polite close and your name.
content
You tell what is wrong with the item.
content
You show why the fault affects your work as a software person.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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