IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

A big salary is much more important than job satisfaction. Do you agree or disagree?

#salary #job #satisfaction
Many people ask themselves which is more crucial, earnings or achievements
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 when choosing a profession. I believe that higher wages
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 more necessary than satisfaction. It can give comfort and stability in life.
Larger
Correct article usage
A larger
show examples
 income can lead to a satisfying life because you can
traveling
Change the verb form
travel
be traveling
show examples
 more.
For example
, if you want to travel abroad, it requires a lot of savings. It is not cheap to travel abroad. You will need to buy
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
airplane
Change the spelling
aeroplane
show examples
 tickets, book hotels, and pay for food. There will be lots of expenses.
Furthermore
, when
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 abroad you would want to be comfortable.
Instead
 of budgeting and sacrificing to meet your savings, you can easily stay at the most luxurious hotels. Increased payrolls
gives
Change the verb form
give
show examples
 stability. Having
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
show examples
 income means you will have extra money to spare. If any family member needs help
Correct your spelling
financially
finanacially
Correct your spelling
financially
, you can easily support them with money. To illustrate, my father had dept from buying stocks. He made a mistake by investing large sums of cash into a company, resulting
him
Change preposition
in him
show examples
 with
Correct your spelling
enormous
enourmous
Correct your spelling
enormous
 dept. Since I had extra income that was not used urgently, I could easily support him. To conclude, better payrolls lead to more happiness. Both in aspects of how people can travel abroad easily with comfort, but
also
having
Change the form of the verb
have
show examples
 the satisfaction to aid others.
Submitted by gabie210 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • remuneration
  • financial security
  • motivation
  • luxuries
  • material possessions
  • fulfillment
  • work-life balance
  • stress levels
  • mental well-being
  • job security
What to do next:
Look at other essays: