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Band 5

Young people are often the first to suffer when job opportunities are scarce. In which ways does age affect employment opportunities ? how might employers deal with the issue fairly ? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience .

#people #first #job #opportunities #age #employment #employers
In
this
 modern city, the young population are always the priority to be affected when work positions are limited. The majority of
people
 think young
people
 are not working effectively which leads to a decrease in employment
chance
Fix the agreement mistake
chances
show examples
 for them.
Employers
 can provide an
interview
 with practical performance in order to reduce the chances that cause missing good
workers
, and treat them equally. Less effective working is the most common public bias that young-aged
people
 is facing when they are looking for a
job
. Many company
owners
wants
Change the verb form
want
show examples
 to hire experienced
workers
 rather than non-experienced
workers
 because they consider
workers
 who have
experience
Change the article
the experience
show examples
 to work faster, and the boss doesn't need to teach them everything from the beginning.
For instance
, I am a massage therapist, and it was difficult to find
workwork
Correct your spelling
work work
work-work
 when I am right after graduation because many
employers
 thought I didn't have enough experience to treat different conditions. In order to treat every population in the same method, company
owners
 can provide an
interview
 with practical performance. According to the issues mentioned above, an
interview
 is essential to reduce bias.
Employers
 can ask interviewers to show their
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
 during the
interview
.
This
 can helps
owners
 know more about their working techniques. Using myself to be an example again, I had a
performent
Correct your spelling
performance
interview
 and
this
 cause me to get my
first
job
. I was showing all the techniques and
knowledges
Change the wording
knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
show examples
 to my employer and I
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
appreciated
Replace the word
appreciative
show examples
to have
Change the verb form
having
show examples
 the opportunity to avoid being judged by aged bias. To sum up, working ineffectively
from
Change preposition
with
show examples
 less
job
 experience is the factor that causes the young public to lose their work position. ,
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
employers
 can give
people
 who
forapply
Correct your spelling
apply
for apply
 the
job
 an
interview
 to show their knowledge.
This
 can helps company
owners
 treat everyone fairly.
Submitted by loklok1014 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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