IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Employers should give longer holidays to employees to encourage to work harder Do you agree?

#employers #holidays #employees #work
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The longer holidays could well be encouraging for
employees
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 to be effective in
work
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 days.
Hence
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,
this
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 might
also
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 be absolutely valuable for employers because they are likely to do their duties really better.
Therefore
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, I utterly believe
this
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 occurrence could be completely beneficial for both. Earning money, nowadays, is really difficult and most individuals must
work
Use synonyms
 more hours than before to have a normal life.
Firstly
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, having less free
time
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 due to
this
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 is not that interesting because they do not have enough
time
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 for their family, entertainment, etc.
For instance
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, some Iranian parents who have two children must earn more than fifteen million Tomans per mounts to have an ordinary life while the average salary in Iran is 6 million Tomans.
Furthermore
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, they should do
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 long period job.
In addition
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to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
,
this
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 causes not only they have no
time
Use synonyms
 for their family but
also
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 they would be always tired.
Secondly
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, the shortage of free
time
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 causes
employees
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 to not desire to
work
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 harder because
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 brilliant future would not be imagined by them.
Moreover
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, most of these parents are graduated people and they have been wasting a long
time
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 studying. In fact, an important problem
of
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for
show examples
 companies is how they could increase the willingness to
work
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their
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with their
show examples
employees
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 and
this
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 is a way
which
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in which
show examples
 they achieve that goal.
For example
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, Germany has the least
work
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 hours in Europe while it has the most developed economy among the European countries. In conclusion,
employees
Use synonyms
 who do jobs with short hours would be effective and creative.
On the other hand
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, I believe if they had more free
time
Use synonyms
 with considering salary, they would be on the wave land of their company's goals.
Submitted by ahad.dana on

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