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Band 4.5

Some people feel that entertainers such as film stars, pop musicians or sports stars are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? Which other types of job should be highly paid? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #entertainers #film #stars #pop #musicians #sports #money #job
Some
people
 think that public stars have very high salaries. And I am one of them. I agree with that statement
for
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apply
show examples
100% and I think that nowadays, there are a lot of underestimated
specialties
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specialities
show examples
, unfortunately.
First
 of all, I should mention, that all world-famous
people
 are still ordinary
people
. They do things which all
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
 humans can do: play sports, sing, draw, play, etc. And it is not fair that their
ernings
Correct your spelling
earnings
 can be as high as
GDP
Correct article usage
the GDP
show examples
 of some pure countries. I guess that
people
 should think about it. What is the value? For what
all
Add a missing verb
do all
show examples
 that famous
people
 receive that huge amounts of money? I think
,
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apply
show examples
 It is connected to the extremely high demand
on
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for
show examples
 "all
kind
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kinds
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 of stars".
People
 should decrease their high interest and
evaliation
Correct your spelling
evaluation
 of entertainers.
Moreover
, nowadays there is a tendency that youngsters
have
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to have
show examples
 a big desire to become
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
famous
star
Fix the agreement mistake
stars
show examples
. But they don't think about the
Correct your spelling
sense
sence
Correct your spelling
sense
 of art or sport,
instead
 of that, they think about numbers they can achieve (money, followers, views, etc).
That is
 not bad to be
reach
Wrong verb form
reached
show examples
 or well-known, but it is bad to treat to
indunstry
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industry
 without any respect. In my
Correct your spelling
opinion
oppinion
Correct your spelling
opinion
, when you wondering to do something, you should think about the process and your results, but not about money.
In addition
,
people
 should understand that there are a lot of underrated jobs.
For example
, what about scientists, teachers or doctors? They
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
Correct your spelling
truly
truely
Correct your spelling
truly
 can be called our heroes. Without
scientists
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,scientists
show examples
 we
are not be
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are not
show examples
 able to have
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 quality of living conditions
as
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apply
show examples
we have now. Without
teachers
Add a comma
,teachers
show examples
 we and our children will degrade. Without
doctors
Add a comma
,doctors
show examples
 we will just die. So, why that
people
 earn less than world stars? To conclude, I feel that currently humanity is
overwelmed
Correct your spelling
overwhelmed
 with different kinds of
entertainments
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entertainment
show examples
. We should be interested not only in
entertainments
Fix the agreement mistake
entertainment
show examples
. We need to get, that it is better to show our demand
to
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for
show examples
 education,
developing
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development
show examples
,
science
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and science
show examples
 than to public famous entertainers.
Submitted by snake_shoulders on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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