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Band 5.5

Some people believe that teenagers should concentrate on all school subjects. But other believe that teenagers should focus on the subject that they are best at or they find the most interest. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #teenagers #school #subjects #focus #interest
There has been much discussion revolving around the issue of whether schoolers should spend their time in
school
 learning all
subjects
 or it is better to concentrate only on
one
 or a few. In
this
 essay, I will discuss both views and give my opinion. The primary factor we need to take into consideration is that many teenagers in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school
 already know
who
Change the pronoun
whom
show examples
 they want to become in the future.
Moreover
, some young souls may be sure what
subjects
 they need for continuing education in the university and what
subjects
 will hinder their achievement.
For instance
, if a human knows exactly the area he wants to work in after studying and it does not require knowing the chemistry
subject
, why does he need to spend his own time on reductant learning that things
instead
 of accelerating his skills in a certain and necessary
subject
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
On the other hand
, our
life
 is very fickle, and no
one
 knows what could happen to a person in a certain period of
lifetime
Add an article
a lifetime
the lifetime
show examples
. That means nobody can know what
subject
 from
school
 really can be useful for future work,
however
 concentrating only on
one
subject
 may ruin a human's entire
life
.
For example
, if a person is pretty good at drawing and
then
he
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
decides to associate his
life
 with arts, but after lots of years of trying to become a famous artist, he realizes that all of
this
 isn’t his thing at all.
Furthermore
, he understands that he made the biggest mistake in
life
 by avoiding learning all
subjects
 in
school
.
Which
Correct pronoun usage
This
show examples
 means it is undoubtedly essential to spend time
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
learning different
school
 materials too, because it may become a backup plan that may save you from some struggles in
life
. Having considered both views, I would assert that giving attention only to
one
subject
 in
school
 is not a bad thing,
however
Add a comma
,however
show examples
 it is irreversible, because it may boost some problems that you won’t be able to solve.
Submitted by oimigle on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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