IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Topic- Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information such as their hobbies and interests and weather they are married or single. some people say that this information may be relevant and useful, others disagree. Discuss both the views and give own opinion.

#topic- #employers #people #jobs #information #hobbies #interests #weather
In today's era, where companies are showing interest in
Change noun form
employees'
employee's
show examples
employees
 personal
life
 and hobbies, some oppose
this
 phenomenon in a belief that
these
Change the determiner
this information
show examples
information
 would be of no use
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
Add an article
the employer
an employer
show examples
employer
Fix the agreement mistake
employers
show examples
.
Correct your spelling
whereas
show examples
where as
Correct your spelling
whereas
show examples
 a part of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society is in
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
favour.
This
 essay will cover both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
views and deliver my opinion in a nutshell. On the one hand, personal
information
 always
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
 an
employer
 to understand the
employee
's nature and needs. To explain, if the company have the list of hobbies and interests of their
employees
then
 arranging fun activities and cultural events would become easy which is crucial for an
employee
 in order to get
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
 outcome.
For example
, if an
employee
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
keen
Add an article
a keen
show examples
 interest in crafting
then
 any craft activity would bring joy
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their faces and would not feel abandoned by their
employer
.
Hence
,
above
Correct article usage
the above
show examples
 point prove
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
why some people are in a favour of getting
personal
Correct article usage
the personal
show examples
information
 of
employee
Add an article
the employee
an employee
show examples
.
On the contrary
, the opposing view of
this
 phenomenon clearly
imitate
Change the verb form
imitates
show examples
 that
Correct your spelling
overindulgence
show examples
over indulgence
Correct your spelling
overindulgence
show examples
 of an
employer
 sometimes becomes
hindrance
Add an article
a hindrance
show examples
 in
employees
Change noun form
employees'
employee's
show examples
 professional
life
. To explain
further
,
keep
Wrong verb form
keeping
show examples
 a fine line between personal and professional
life
 is mandatory in order to keep
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
privacy
which
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 somehow
disappearing
Wrong verb form
disappears
show examples
 because of sharing. To be specific,
person
Add an article
the person
a person
show examples
 who
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
introvert
Fix the agreement mistake
introverts
show examples
 by nature, opening up about
personal
Correct pronoun usage
their personal
show examples
life
 in front of strangers becomes
daunting
Add an article
a daunting
show examples
 task for them and
certainly
Correct pronoun usage
they certainly
show examples
, feel discomfort and
not
Add a missing verb
are not
show examples
 able to give 100% to their job.
Thus
, sharing personal
information
 is not always in the favour of
employees
. To recapitulate,
merits
Correct article usage
the merits
show examples
 of getting all the
information
 of an
employee
 help an
employer
 to keep their
employees
satisfy
Wrong verb form
satisfied
show examples
 and happy, whereas, a breach of
information
 always frightened
employees
 and fail to keep personal and professional
life
Correct your spelling
separated
separate
seperated
Correct your spelling
separated
, I opine.
Submitted by bhattumang1 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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