IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people think job satisfaction is more important than job security. But others believe that people cannot always enjoy their jobs and having a permanent job is more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #job #satisfaction #security #jobs
Nowadays, almost everyone wants to find a suitable
job
 after
graduate
Replace the word
graduation
show examples
.
However
, whether the
work
 position is
security
Replace the word
secure
show examples
, if they can
work
 for
long
Change the article
a long
show examples
 time and how
Add the particle
to satisfy
show examples
satisfy
Change the form of the verb
satisfied
show examples
 with their
job
 is a controversial problem. In my opinion, what we need most is not only a
job
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but safety and enjoy in so that we can
work
 for
long
Change the article
a long
show examples
 time.
One
Correct your spelling
On
show examples
 the hand, some people think that
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
just
focus
Wrong verb form
focusing
show examples
 on whether they are happy when they are working
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
enough, but ignore
the
Correct word choice
whether the
show examples
job
 is
safety
Replace the word
safe
show examples
 or not. That means
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
happiness is more important than
secure
Replace the word
security
show examples
.
For example
, many
person
Change to a plural noun
people
show examples
 like
advanture
Correct your spelling
adventure
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
,
such
 as diving tutor,
this
job
 is
high
Add an article
a high
show examples
 risk, but they love it for the sample reason
is feel
Change the verb form
feels
show examples
happiness
Replace the word
happy
show examples
 and enjoying despite
Correct article usage
the dangerous
show examples
dangerous
Replace the word
dangers
show examples
.
On the other hand
, somebody
believe
Change the verb form
believes
show examples
 that they would
unhappy
Add a missing verb
be unhappy
show examples
 when working
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
same
Add an article
the same
show examples
 position for a long time.
For example
, cashier or operator is the type of
this
job
. People will
boring
Change the verb form
bore
be boring
show examples
 after several months since they have to do
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 things every single day.
Therefore
, they will lose their
Correct your spelling
enthusiasm
enthusiasum
Correct your spelling
enthusiasm
 very quickly. Withing developed technology, I think many jobs will be disappeared.
Particulely
Correct your spelling
Particularly
 some jobs that repetitive should be replaced. We’d better continue learning
knowledge
Correct article usage
the knowledge
show examples
 and skills that we
interested
Add a missing verb
are interested
show examples
 in. It is
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
 way to find a suitable
Correct your spelling
workplace
show examples
work place
Correct your spelling
workplace
show examples
. Not only benefit
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
ourselves, but
also
 for whole the society. When we have a permanent
job
 which we like to do, we will be happy with it. In conclusion, it is not easy to get a permanent career, especially can make
person
Add an article
a person
the person
show examples
 enjoy
in
Correct your spelling
it
show examples
. So to improve skills and technology is very important.
Submitted by kevin. B on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: