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Writing Samples
Band 5

SOME PEOPLE BELIEVE THAT VIOLENCE ON TELEVISION AND IN COMPUTER GAMES HAS A DAMAGING EFFECT ON THE COCIETY. OTHERS DENY THAT THESE FACTORS HAVE ANY SIGNIFICANT INFLUENCE ON PEOPLE’S BEHAVIOUR. WHAT IS YOUR OPINION ?

#people #violence #television #computer #games #effect #cociety #factors #influence #people’s #behaviour
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People
Use synonyms
 hold conflicting views about whether
violence
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on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
media
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 has a significant impact on the public or not. While a number of
people
Use synonyms
 believe that it is unsafe to witness
violence
Use synonyms
 on the Internet, I would say that it is the out-of-date perspective currently. There are various compelling reasons why it is
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of
violence
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 on social
media
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.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the policy of protecting
users
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 has been
constituded
Correct your spelling
constituted
 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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civilized society. The bringing new blood trend of
users
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 is happening in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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social
media
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 as a consequence that social
media
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 directors should renovate the social network so as to ease
people
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 from every
ages
Change to a singular noun
age
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are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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accessible to useful sites.
For instance
Linking Words
, Messengers and Youtube have released and applied the implications of kid accessibility on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social
media
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 so parents are sure
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the security of their children.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
Internet
Correct article usage
an Internet
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 security constitution has been established globally which restricts the illegal activities of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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hackers and illegal
users
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.
As a result
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, there is the limitation of
people
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 being affected
with
Change preposition
by
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 the press or posts about the incorrect direction in politics, society or healthcare.
This
Linking Words
 is hoped to provide a healthy environment for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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global
users
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 for saying no
with
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to
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the
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apply
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unsafe sites on social
media
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.
In contrast
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, I think that these solutions are still having some disadvantageous figures. Many hackers find ways for hiding their secret information deep inside the formal or official pages, which
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
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readership
Replace the word
readers
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 confused about the affairs.
Besides
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 that, taking bribes is still a common affair in
the
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apply
show examples
social
media
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 when
people
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 pay for uploading
the
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apply
show examples
gutter information. It is seen that government should have a serious
penalty
Fix the agreement mistake
penalties
show examples
 and management on the social network for the safety of the
users
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. Not only the head of countries but
also
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the
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apply
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awareness is the core for escaping the
violence
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 on the Internet whatever categories of information spread.
However
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,
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 trying to be adaptable with numerous methods of defrauding. In conclusion, I would like to say that it is needed to think positively that many laws have been established for the
users
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’ safety so
the
Correct your spelling
that
show examples
violence
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 is limited.
Also
Linking Words
, I think that it should be combined with the clever awareness of the public to eliminate
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
violence
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 on
social
Add an article
the social
a social
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network
Fix the agreement mistake
networks
show examples
.
Submitted by wbvovo on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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