IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people think that the government should invest in teaching science rather than in other subjects for a country’s development and progress. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #government #science #subjects #country’s #development #progress
In
this
 contemporary,
country's
Correct article usage
a country's
show examples
 development plays a vital role in
the
Change the word
its
show examples
 future of the
country
. Many citizens believe that the majority of the money amount possess spent on educational departments and authorities should be aware more of the advanced of the
country
.
This
 topic has several aspects which will be elaborated in on my essay. The initial benefit of investing money in science is that the fundamental
investments
Fix the agreement mistake
investment
show examples
 of each
country
 in the world
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 its students. Not only are the pupils more intelligent and creative by thinking outside the box but
also
 are the hope of the future
progressiv
Correct your spelling
progressive
progress
. By boosting the rate of graduation from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
University, the amount of people who have higher literacy has become increased, in the result the developments in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
numerous subjects would be more affordable
such
 as the solution of supplying the water resource, how to preserve humans from natural hazards or figuring out the cure of incurable illnesses. 
Moreover
, if a
country
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 an effort to cultivate better education,
they
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 will have more young strength. So,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
reasoning power like problem-solving will be more impressive than the previous generation. In the other words, founding the teaching subjects in the schools means that the rate of intelligence argumentation would get swiped.
For instance
 in British many youngsters have a governmental occupation and they are successful in their position due to
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
 the required experiences and degrees. To recapitulate what was mentioned above, in my perspective about investing in offspring who are educated, governments of the countries should be more aware and spendthrift in
this
 approach to make the better conditions of
progressing
Change the form of the verb
progress
show examples
.
Submitted by hastinazasadi8092 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • government investment
  • scientific literacy
  • technological advancements
  • critical thinking
  • problem-solving skills
  • neglect
  • balanced approach
  • overall development
What to do next:
Look at other essays: