IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behaviour. What is your opinion?

#people #violence #television #computer #games #effect #society #factors #influence #behaviour
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Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that
violence
Use synonyms
 on
Television
Use synonyms
 and
computer
Use synonyms
 has a damaging
effect
Use synonyms
 on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society,
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 de y that these
factor
Change the determiner
factors
show examples
 have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Correct your spelling
significant
significan
Correct your spelling
significant
 influencers on
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 behaviours
Violence
Use synonyms
 on
Television
Use synonyms
 and
computer
Use synonyms
 is something common to sed nowadays because of the móviles, videos and video
Correct your spelling
games
ganes
Correct your spelling
games
 but
these
Correct determiner usage
this
show examples
 type of
Correct your spelling
behaviours
behaviour
behavious
Correct your spelling
behaviour
 does really cause a damaging
effect
Use synonyms
 on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society?
Correct your spelling
Firstly
First
Fisrstly
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Firstly
 some
people
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has
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have
show examples
 a
Correct your spelling
tendency
tendence
Correct your spelling
tendency
 to copy or absorb the behaviour that appears
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
television
Use synonyms
 or other multimedia, in
these
Correct determiner usage
this
show examples
 case
violence
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, kids are more exposed to these
affect
Replace the word
effect
show examples
 but not everyone
copy
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copies
show examples
 the action.
Second
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 is
subject
Correct article usage
the subject
show examples
Ive
Correct your spelling
I've
 because I think that most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
people
Add an article
the people
show examples
knows
Change the verb form
know
show examples
 that the
violence
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
television
Use synonyms
 and
computer
Use synonyms
 is fake,
Linking Words
however
Add the comma(s)
,however
show examples
other group
Change the wording
another group
other groups
show examples
 of
people
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 don't think like me and other
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
share my posture.
Obviously
Add a comma
,Obviously
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 think in
different
Change the article
a different
show examples
way
Fix the agreement mistake
ways
show examples
 but
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 important that all could learn to find the difference Between reality and fiction, and
people
Use synonyms
 need to educate their children for in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 future they notice the difference and act un
a
Correct your spelling
as
show examples
Correct your spelling
responsible
responsable
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responsible
fork
Fix the agreement mistake
forks
show examples
. In my opinion
violence
Use synonyms
its
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
 difficult to cause a damaging
effect
Use synonyms
 nowadays, in my perspective I think that kids are more
Correct your spelling
responsible
responsable
Correct your spelling
responsible
 and they don't copy
these behaviour
Change the determiner
this behaviour
show examples
 because yes. In
conclusion
Add a comma
,conclusion
show examples
 the
effect
Use synonyms
 of
violence
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
television
Use synonyms
 and
computer
Use synonyms
 if we watch with
Correct your spelling
responsibility
responsability
Correct your spelling
responsibility
, knowing the difference and
also
Linking Words
 knowing that
its
Correct your spelling
it's
show examples
 something bad is
innofensive
Correct your spelling
inoffensive
 but sensitive.
Submitted by ismael.222sr on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • pivotal
  • desensitize
  • catalyst
  • predisposed
  • harmless outlet
  • distinguish
  • controlled environments
  • empirical research
  • minimal or no direct correlation
  • socio-economic status
  • predisposition
What to do next:
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