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Band 4

Most high level positions in companies are filled by men even though the work space in many developed countries is more than 50% female. Companies should be require to allocate a certain percentage of these position to women. Do you agree?

#level #positions #companies #men #work #space #countries #percentage #position #women
To
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In
show examples
 my point of view, any consideration of gender allocation in
workspace
Correct article usage
the workspace
show examples
 must be based on
meritocratic
Correct article usage
the meritocratic
show examples
 qualities of those people who assign
for
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to
show examples
 those
positions
 and bringing up statistics sometimes can be misleading. for that reason, I
am not agree
Change the verb form
do not agree
show examples
 nor disagree with that statement and any
infereneces
Correct your spelling
inferences
inference
 about
this
 matter must be grounded in deliberate and
inquisite
Correct your spelling
inquisitive
 investigation before any conclusions. In recent years there are a lot of debates brought by
feminism
Replace the word
feminist
show examples
 parties that most
high level
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high-level
show examples
positions
 in companies are mostly dominated by
men
 and
this
 simple fact is a form of injustice against
women
, and
women
 must acquire
high level
Add a hyphen
high-level
show examples
positions
 alongside
men
.
Although
 any fight against discrimination must be acknowledged and praised in a democratic system,
but
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apply
show examples
this
 can be misleading due to the fact that as much as we see
men
's dominance in
high level
Add a hyphen
high-level
show examples
positions
 we can
also
 see a
lot
Add the preposition
oflot
show examples
men
 who are working in risky jobs with low payments, most of
university
Add an article
the university
show examples
 attendants in the 10's are
women
,
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apply
show examples
 and higher rates of
men
 in prisons. We cannot simply draw any conclusions about
this
 matter just by
relyig
Correct your spelling
relying
 on mere statistics. Overall, inquiring
men
 and
women
 into high or low
positions
 must
first
 be the proportions of attendants and
secondly
 must be based on their qualifications and merit and if we ever come by any form of imbalance between the rates of
men
 or
women
 inside a working system we should not jump into conclusions that
this
 must be some sort of injustice between genders.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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