People in many countries spend more and more time far away from their families. Why does this happen and what effects will it have on them and their families?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is widely acknowledged that with the development of technology and
globalization
Add a comma
globalization,
show examples
most
people
around the world are living abroad in order to make a very well
careers
Fix the agreement mistake
career
show examples
far away from their families.
This
situation can
effects
Verb problem
affect
show examples
positive and negative
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
relations.
This
essay will explore how affects their families and I will support
this
view with arguments in the following paragraphs.
Firstly
, moving abroad can bring not only homesickness but
also
missing family members and relations and a person feel
as isolation
Correct word choice
isolated
show examples
.
Therefore
,
people
may face some problems , their acquaintances cannot help them .
hence
living in a foreign country , most
people
face a lot of obstacles
such
as culture shock , language barriers, food and general cultural differences .
On the other hand
, living overseas broadens your horizons ,
Also
they can gain qualifications and language skills which may increase promotion prospects on your return . those who live in a foreign country for a long -term can achieve a lot of success not only personal life but
also
in their work and business . Plus , moving abroad can lead to a better quality of life . Take British
people
for example
. Thousand of
people
from the UK move to SPANISH and AUSTRALIA every year . These countries have warmer climates and encourage a better work-life balance.
To sum up
, taking everything into consideration
although
there are several cons factors to moving abroad , I firmly believe that it cannot outweigh prom pros factors.
Submitted by uluga2002 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The essay lacks structure and coherence. The points are not clearly connected and the argumentation is weak. Additionally, the introduction and conclusion need to be stronger and more conclusive.
task achievement
The essay does not fully address the prompt, and the points made are not sufficiently clear and comprehensive. More relevant examples and a stronger argumentation are needed to fully respond to the task.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: