Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behaviour. What is your opinion?

In the current society, the influence of television shows and
computers
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computer
show examples
games
is one of the most debatable
subiects
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subjects
show examples
.
While
a number of
people
believe that
televion
Correct your spelling
television
and video
games
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
show violent factors in society, I would argue that media
violence
has
an
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a
show examples
significant impact on
human's
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human
show examples
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
. There are various compelling reasons why TV and digital
games
adversly
Correct your spelling
adversely
affects
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affect
show examples
people
's behaviour. 
Firstly
, harmful video
games
and TV shows might lead to
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
violent
Change preposition
in violent
show examples
behaviour. Research has shown that exposure to
violence
in shows or
games
can create an increase in violent
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
in real
life
.
This
can increase the risk of aggressive
behavior
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behaviour
show examples
, fighting or death.
Secondly
, when
people
are exposed to too many negative programs or
games
that
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
reduce
Correct subject-verb agreement
reduces
show examples
empathy.
This
is because
xposuring
Correct your spelling
exposing
to
violence
can reduce the ability to sympathize and empathize with others. Players may become cruel or indifferent to the feelings and pain of others. 
On the other hand
,
people
exposed to
such
applications cause them to create a false perception of reality.
In other words
, violent programs or
games
can create a false perception of reality and influence opinion and player
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
.
This
can cause a loss of ability to distinguish between fact and fiction, causing negative consequences in real
life
.
Besides
, negative factors from TV shows and unhealthy
games
contribute to psychological impacts: Exposure to
violence
can cause psychological stress, anxiety,
pressure
Correct word choice
and pressure
show examples
and reduce the quality of
life
. one's
life
.
This
can affect human thinking,
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
and social interactions.
Submitted by trancaomaitrang on

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Task Response
Ensure that all parts of the essay directly address the given question and contribute to the overall argument. Avoid going off-topic or providing irrelevant information.
Coherence and Cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is generally clear, but there could be stronger connections between ideas and smoother transitions between paragraphs.
Lexical Resource
Expand your range of vocabulary to express your ideas more precisely. Try to use more advanced vocabulary and avoid repetition.
Grammatical Range
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar to ensure accurate and clear communication. Review your sentences for errors and consider varying sentence structures for better fluency.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • pivotal
  • desensitize
  • catalyst
  • predisposed
  • harmless outlet
  • distinguish
  • controlled environments
  • empirical research
  • minimal or no direct correlation
  • socio-economic status
  • predisposition
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