Nowadays, children watch a lot of TV and play video games. However, some think that these activities are not beneficial for a child’s mental health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In
this
period of technological advancement, numerous
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
young
Add an article
a young
show examples
kind
finds
Correct subject-verb agreement
find
show examples
spending
free
Correct pronoun usage
their free
show examples
time either watching Television and playing online or offline video
games
. With reference to
this
, a group of
Correct your spelling
people
peole
Correct your spelling
people
believes these activities are not helpful for
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
mental health. In my opinion, I strongly agree or disagree with
this
notion
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
will try to discuss and
Correct your spelling
conclude
conlude
Correct your spelling
conclude
to my best in
this
essay.
To begin
with, I partially agree with
thoughts
Correct article usage
the thoughts
show examples
of people who
thinks
Correct subject-verb agreement
think
show examples
, too much
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
access to T.V and video
games
will lead to bad mental growth.
For instance
, it is sometimes become really difficult to monitor our kids and find what they are actually watching in their leisure time.
Also
, nowadays there are many
games
available which are pretty much violent in content.
Additionally
, spending more screen time not only leads to mental
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
but
also
Correct your spelling
psychological
physiological
pyscological
Correct your spelling
psychological
problems.
This
may affect
Correct your spelling
child's
Correct article usage
the childs
show examples
childs
Change noun form
child's
show examples
overall
Correct your spelling
development
developement
Correct your spelling
development
.
On the other hand
, I would like to put my idea regarding playing
games
or watching TV is not always obstructive, yes if it is in a controlled manner and taken as
a
Change the article
an
show examples
only mode of
entermainent
Correct your spelling
entertainment
.
Also
in contrast
to
negative
Add a comma
,negative
show examples
it will help to develop
focus
Add an article
the focus
a focus
show examples
of a kid. To support
this
, I had come across one article, where it was mentioned playing
computers
Change the noun form
computer
show examples
games
to
certain
Add an article
a certain
show examples
limit in
day
Add an article
the day
a day
show examples
, at a
fix
Change the verb form
fixed
show examples
schedule may help
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
younger, even adults
also
get benefited in
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
thinking process, visual and logical thinking. In sum
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
, I strongly
believes
Change the verb form
believe
show examples
that TV and
games
are not adversely affecting
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the growth of a child.
Also
, if any activity
done
Add a missing verb
is done
show examples
in a timely manner will outweigh the drawbacks From my perspective, I believe that
aforementioned
Correct article usage
the aforementioned
show examples
points are supporting my views.
Submitted by Khan_afo86 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • cognitive development
  • exposure to violence
  • addiction
  • reduced physical activity
  • hand-eye coordination
  • strategic thinking
  • multitasking skills
  • moderation
  • parental guidance
  • balanced approach
  • screen time
  • social interaction
  • sense of community
  • social skills
  • social isolation
  • alternative activities
  • outdoor activities
  • family interaction
  • mental health issues
  • educational programs
  • problem-solving games
What to do next:
Look at other essays: