Nowadays, children watch a lot of TV and play video games. However, some think that these activities are not beneficial for a child’s mental health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
With the development of
technologies
, more and more Fix the agreement mistake
technology
children
like to lay
into the Wrong verb form
lie
Correct your spelling
couch
cough
and watch Correct your spelling
couch
TV
or play games
all day. Some experts think it is harmful for
their mental health to stare Change the preposition
to
screens
for a long Change preposition
at screens
time
, I Correct your spelling
definitely
definately
agree with Correct your spelling
definitely
this
view.
In conclusion, there is a negative influence on children
who spend too much time
on TV
shows or video games
. The results are lead
by not only parentsReplace the word
led
,
but schools and the government.
There are many disadvantages Remove the comma
apply
for
Change preposition
to
Change noun form
children's
childrens'
mental health. Correct your spelling
children's
Firstly
, their academic Correct your spelling
performances
performance
proformances
in school will be Correct your spelling
performance
Correct your spelling
affected
affacted
by too many leisure activities. As a student, Correct your spelling
affected
children
usually need to spend Correct your spelling
most
almost
of their Correct your spelling
most
time
and energy on courses which could help them in the future, like mathmatics
, history and other subjects Correct your spelling
mathematics
instead
of TV
series and digital games
. Secondly
, as we know, those TV
programs and games
are produced to attract adults, this
means they always consist of some plots which are full of violence, Correct pronoun usage
which
blooding
and sex. And Replace the word
blood
children
like to intimate
no matter what they see, which results that they will consider violence as a good way to solve problems and even Add a missing verb
be intimate
try
to Wrong verb form
trying
crime
like the actors who are on the screens.
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
Undoubtely
, it is Correct your spelling
Undoubtedly
Correct your spelling
responsibility
Correct article usage
the responsbility
responsbility
Correct your spelling
responsibility
for
their parents to Change preposition
of
Correct your spelling
limit
limite
kids watch Correct your spelling
limit
TV
and play games
at a
property Correct article usage
apply
time
. But lots of parents are busy with their work and don't have enough time
and energy to accompany with
their kids, Change preposition
apply
that is
the primary reason for this
situation. School
Fix the agreement mistake
Schools
also
need to do something for their students, including paying more attention to students' mental health, leading them to read books or do some sports instead
of just watch
Change the verb form
watching
TV
and teaching Correct article usage
the skill
skill
of conversation to encourage them Fix the agreement mistake
skills
Correct your spelling
play
paly
with others. At the same Correct your spelling
play
time
, it is necessary for the government to make some policies to make those companies who produce TV
programs and computer games
Correct your spelling
limited
limite
Correct your spelling
limit
time
Correct article usage
the time
of
Change preposition
to
watch
their programs.Change the verb form
watching
Submitted by shantao2153 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.