IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Sales companies should recruit people who are hungry for money as they will make the most dedicated workers. Do you think money is the driving force behind hard work? What factors should be taken into consideration when recruiting staff for sales positions?

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Nowadays, people who are hungry for a high wage should be employed in
sales
companies
.
Companies
 that are in the business world seek to gain as much money as possible;
therefore
, they recruit employees who will accomplish
this
 goal, and many aspects must be taken into consideration when providing jobs to
sales
 staff. Increasingly, corporations give jobs to anyone who can generate revenue, particularly in
sales
 and production. Become the most valuable thing in the business world at
this
 time. They encourage their employees by giving them incentives,
such
 as increasing their income, and sometimes promising promotions to those who perform well for them. In 1998, Apple increased staff salaries in order to increase its revenue.
As a
result
Add a comma
,result
show examples
 the employees worked hard,
therefore
 the profits doubled and the corporation reached its target.
Moreover
, when an employer is hiring someone for a
sales
 position, they should consider some aspects of
who
Change the pronoun
whom
show examples
 they are hiring.
For instance
, the employee must be skilled at persuading people to buy the product.
In addition
, he/she must be honest and loyal to customers. A study performed in 10 big
sales
companies
 in the USA found that these were the most important attributes that
companies
 looked for in
sales
 staff. As a conclude, money is the most potent incentive for workers. There are many factors that should be taken into account when a corporation is recruiting for the
sales
 department.
Submitted by mustafabinothman2003 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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