IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people get into debt by buying things they don’t need and can’t afford. What are the reasons for this behaviour? What action can be taken to prevent people from having this problem?

#people #debt #don’t #can’t #behaviour #action
Nowadays,
people
 tend to buy a lot of things that they do not need but spend a huge amount of
money
.
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on.
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 There are several reasons that trigger the increase in
this
 behaviour, but various measures taken by
banks
 and governments can prevent
people
 from having
this
 problem. There are three major reasons causing the phenomenon.
First
,
people
 can release their psychological distress when purchasing. They often shop to cope with stress, only to feel regretful or ashamed after the purchase clears.
On the other hand
, some
people
 may have intense cravings to shop and experience a high when doing so.
This
 is a way for them to release stress and get satisfaction.
Second
, promotions from
banks
 can intensify the behaviour. In order to attract customers, some
banks
 offer discounts and cash returns to customers after buying if they reach a certain amount of
money
.
This
 actually encourages
people
 to spend more
money
 than they can afford.
Third
, social media takes the account of compulsive buying as well. The idea of materialism is spread through advertisements of companies, as well as from key opinion leaders. Without proper financial planning,
people
 fall easily
to
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into
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 the trap of purchasing an excessive amount of goods. To prevent
people
 from having
this
 problem, the most important is to learn the correct way to plan their finances. Governments and bank companies are responsible to provide resources to train
people
’s financial literacy.
For example
, compulsory financial courses can be introduced into schools, which cultivates children on appropriate financial concepts starting from a very young age. The government should
also
 be more aware of the individuals who may be symptoms of compulsive buying and transfer them to psychological services and group interventions. It is undeniable that purchasing things that are not necessary and affordable can be caused by individuals' psychological stress, promotions from
banks
 and advertisements
in
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on
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 social media. But, it is believed that more solutions can be found than problems if different stakeholders can collaborate and promote the correct
money
 planning to the general public.
Submitted by cindywanhl on

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Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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