Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behaviour. What is your opinion?

Nowadays, it is considered that
violence
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
the media and computer games expose an adverse impact on the community while some people thought these factors have no damaging effect on people. In my opinion,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
would argue that
violence
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
have
some
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
significant impact on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. One of the key
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
is that more and more children are access to the internet and watching television in recent years. To illustrate,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
youngsters,
Correct your spelling
especially
especilly
Correct your spelling
especially
children are easily influenced by what they see on the screen and they will try to ape
those
Change the determiner
that violence activity
those violence activities
show examples
violence
activity.
This
can lead to
violence
at school and even family.
With some
Change preposition
Some
show examples
people who are
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
victim of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
violence
Replace the word
violent
show examples
Correct your spelling
activities
acitivities
Correct your spelling
activities
, they may feel scared and have depression.
For example
, there is a
heart rending
Add a hyphen
heart-rending
show examples
case in Vietnam, which stem from a teenager who play
Correct article usage
a violence
show examples
violence
Replace the word
violent
show examples
game and
then
accidently
Correct your spelling
accidentally
left his
neighborhood's
Change the spelling
neighbourhood's
show examples
son
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
dead
Replace the word
die
show examples
in the forest because he was trying to copy the character. Another reason is that we may think
violence
is normal after a long time. If we watch television or
playing
Replace the word
play
show examples
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
which
include
Change the verb form
includes
show examples
violence
Replace the word
violent
show examples
scene
Fix the agreement mistake
scenes
show examples
at a high frequency, it may
affected
Change the verb form
affect
show examples
our
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
to think those aggressive actions are normal since we see them
Correct your spelling
frequently on
frequently
frequentlyon
Correct your spelling
frequently on
screen.Over time, we may become less sympathetic
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others. In conclusion,
violence
is not a country's problem but every
nations's
Remove the s
nations'
show examples
problem.
Correct your spelling
Government
Gorvernment
Correct your spelling
Government
should try to reduce the time of
violence
Replace the word
violent
show examples
scenes and
violence
should go along with education to avoid its risk.
Submitted by thaiannt on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • pivotal
  • desensitize
  • catalyst
  • predisposed
  • harmless outlet
  • distinguish
  • controlled environments
  • empirical research
  • minimal or no direct correlation
  • socio-economic status
  • predisposition
What to do next:
Look at other essays: