IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

In recent years, there has been growing interest in the relationship between equality and personal achievement. Some people believe that individuals can achieve more in egalitarian societies. Others believe that high levels of personal achievement are possible only if individuals are free to succeed or fail according to their individual merits.

#years #interest #relationship #equality #achievement #people #individuals #societies #levels #merits
In recent decades, there has been considerable debate about whether or not individual achievement is greater in egalitarian or more hierarchical societies. In my opinion, despite the benefits of egalitarianism as a political principle, it should not be pursued as a social ideal. Those who argue egalitarian societies are better for achievement point out the benefits of
opportunity
Add an article
the opportunity
show examples
. The most well-known examples of
this
 are in socialist nations in Europe like France where income disparity is less pronounced than in more capitalist countries. In
such
 liberal countries, a person can receive a good education, secure stable employment, receive unemployment benefits in the case of an economic downturn, and support the rest of society by paying high taxes. Being part of
such
 a community is itself a motivation for individuals to perform well at work and pursue life goals.
This
 is especially the case as a person will not have to feel anxious about the possibility of being left behind by society at large. I would contend that when conditions are generally equal individuals should
then
 be permitted to compete without considerable governmental regulation. The standout example
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
 situation would be in the United States.
Although
 there are more problems related to income inequality, there is
also
 greater innovation across a variety of sectors. One cause of
this
 is that individuals are motivated by the desire to excel and earn the financial rewards that accompany success. A person is
therefore
 encouraged to attain their own definition of success or they might be forced to live on the fringes of society.
Submitted by nanthapat.a on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: