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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Because of the global economy, many goods including what we use as daily basics produced by other countries have to be transported for a long distance. To what extent do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#economy #goods #basics #countries #distance
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This
 is the era
or
Correct your spelling
of
show examples
 globalisation and world trade and business.
This
 has enabled us to keep better diplomatic and business
relationship
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relationships
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 with many other
countries
 and
products
 produced in a
country
 could easily be found in another
country
.
However
,
this
 requires the
products
 and foods to be travelled to a long distance before reaching
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the consumers of other
countries
 and
this
 has both negative and positive consequences. In my opinion,
this
 has far more
advantages
 than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
drawbacks. On one hand, a
country
 should
first
 try to be self-sufficient rather than relying heavily on imported goods. Foods, vegetables and fruits should not be imported from other
countries
 since the
long distance
Add a hyphen
long-distance
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 travel of
such
 commodities degraded their food values.
Moreover
, importing from other
countries
 is quite costly.
Finally
, a
country
 should try to produce daily necessities by
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
itself
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 as it would eradicate
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
poverty,
unemployment
Correct word choice
and unemployment
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 and would
also
 make sure the better economic progress of a
country
.
On the contrary
, the
advantages
 of the global economy and trade are highlighted often and it is true that being self-sufficient for all
countries
are
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is
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 quite impossible. Some
countries
 are better for agriculture, some for industrial
productions
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production
show examples
, some for food processing and some others for technologies and
thus
 each nation has
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 unique ability to do well in some specific sectors.
Thus
 no
country
 can locally produce everything
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 people need.
First
Correct article usage
The first
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 and foremost
advantages
Fix the agreement mistake
advantage
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 of importing
products
 from other
countries
 is that a
country
 can enjoy those
short
Replace the word
shortage
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 of goods without even producing them.
For instance
, many
countries
 enjoy tea and coffee even though they do not locally produce them.
Second
, sometimes importing is less expensive than producing something and not every
country
 has the environment and manpower to do so.
Third
,
transportation
Correct article usage
the transportation
show examples
 system nowadays is becoming more efficient and in the near future, it will take less time to supply goods from another
country
 to another. The global economy enables a
country
 to export
products
 to other nations rather than wasting them and
this
 has proven to be a strong
revenue earning
Add a hyphen
revenue-earning
show examples
 area for many
countries
. People nowadays have more choices of their
products
 and
global
Add an article
the global
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 economy hit the monopoly so hard that people can enjoy
global
Change the adjective
globally
show examples
 branded
products
 at a competitive price. In summary, more time to transport daily commodities from one
country
 to other has some demerits.
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
 the endless
advantages
 they bring are quite overwhelming.
Submitted by Alizadeh_masoud_93 on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Global economy
  • Consumer choice
  • Economic benefits
  • Job creation
  • Gross Domestic Product (GDP)
  • Infrastructure
  • Standard of living
  • Cost efficiencies
  • Raw materials
  • Production processes
  • Specialization
  • Environmental impact
  • Carbon emissions
  • Pollution
  • Supply chain disruptions
  • Local industries
  • Cultural dilution
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