IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Directions: Read the question below. You will have 30 minutes to plan, write, and revise your essay. Typically an effective essay will contain a minimum of 300 words. There are many ways for an organization to find employees. Which do you think is the best way to find suitable employees? ▪ Advertising in professional journals ▪ Using personal recommendations ▪ Recruiting at job fairs Give reasons or examples to support your opinion.

#directions #minutes #plan #organization #employees #journals #recommendations #job #fairs #support
In
business
, having a good strategy, good employees, and enough
money
 are all important for success.
However
, I think
money
 is the most important element. Without
money
, a
business
 will never succeed.
Firstly
, if you start a
business
 with a lack of
money
, you will struggle from the start. I know
this
 is true
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because it happened to me. I was young and had just graduated from college. I had a great idea for a new pizza
shop
. But from the beginning, things went wrong.
For instance
, I couldn't rent a big enough place because I didn't have enough
money
. My tiny
shop
 could only seat six people!
Also
, I wanted to hire a professional sign-making company to create a big red sign that said "Tommy's Pizza" to hang over the
shop
's front window but again, I didn't have enough
money
 and
instead
 I had to make my own small sign that I hung on the door. It looked terrible. I had many problems like
this
 and I was forced to close the pizza
shop
 after only five months, mainly due to a lack of
money
. The
second
 reason you need
money
 in
business
 is to get a loan when you want to grow your
business
.
This
 happened to my uncle Mike twenty years ago when he wanted to expand his furniture
business
. He owned two shops that were very successful. One day, a rival company offered to sell their
business
 to him. Uncle Mike was interested so he went to a local bank and asked for a large loan. They gave him the
money
 immediately and he bought the rival firm. Today, his chain of furniture shops, "The Golden Chair", is the largest in the state and he is very rich. Without
money
,
however
, he would have never succeeded. Of course, having a good strategy and talented employees will help any
business
 succeed, but those can come later. You might succeed without them, but you will never succeed without
money
. At the beginning and for expansion, it is very important to have enough
money
 to grow your
business
.
Submitted by Try Harder Every Day on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: