IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Directors of large organizations earn much higher salaries than ordinary employees do. Some people think it is necessary, but others hold that it is unfair. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#directors #organizations #salaries #employees #people
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Almost in all
the
Correct article usage
apply
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industries or
organizations
Add a comma
,organizations
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 the pay of
directors
Use synonyms
 is much higher than normal
employees
Use synonyms
 and they
also
Linking Words
 receive more facilities
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
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 to others, according to some
people
Use synonyms
 it is necessary, whereas others think that it is unequal.
This
Linking Words
 disquisition will discuss both the views and I will give my opinion in the conclusion. To commence with, according to some
people
Use synonyms
, the salaries should be higher of
derectors
Correct your spelling
directors
 because they run the whole
business
Use synonyms
,
directors
Use synonyms
 are the
people
Use synonyms
 who take
burden
Add an article
the burden
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 of
employees
Use synonyms
 other than that they
also
Linking Words
 handle customer relationships, which is the most crucial part of any organization.
In addition
Linking Words
, managers who manage the
company
Use synonyms
 and
also
Linking Words
 they have to be available 24x7 and
also
Linking Words
 they even forget about their family sometimes
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
because of these kinds of efforts the
business
Use synonyms
 gets successful and
this
Linking Words
 can be the reason for their higher payout because managers or
directors
Use synonyms
 not just handle the
business
Use synonyms
, but they
also
Linking Words
 manage the
employees
Use synonyms
 and get connected with the
employees
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
Linking Words
, a manager holds a position for a longer time and he or she gains much experience which is needed or they tend to change less companies compare to other
people
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, we can see many
directors
Use synonyms
 who are in their later stage of life and they are most experienced and ,still companies urge them to stay in touch even after retiring just because of their past work for the
company
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, individuals who are
on
Change preposition
in
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 higher positions often hold higher education or higher degree in that particular field.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some believe that it is injustice for
employees
Use synonyms
 as they are the backbone of any
company
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, and play a vital role in the
company
Use synonyms
`s success but they cannot handle the loss and much pressure they just have to work on only one department of an organization, whereas a director
have
Change the verb form
has
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 to focus on everything from gains or loss of a
business
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 to salaries of
employees
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, in my opinion, it is fair that managers or
directors
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holds
Change the verb form
hold
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 higher salary because they deserve it based on their work, experience and
education
Replace the word
educational
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 qualification. And many
organization
Fix the agreement mistake
organizations
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 think that it is worth increasing their salaries as they are
important
Add an article
an important
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aspect
Fix the agreement mistake
aspects
show examples
 of any
company
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by rahulgpatel19 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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