IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Most high-level positions in companies are filled by men even though the workforce in many developed countries is more than 50 percent female. Companies should be required to allocate a certain percent of these positions to women. do you agree?

#positions #companies #men #workforce #countries #percent #women
In a male-dominated society,
females
 have to fight for their rights.
Although
 more than fifty per cent of the employees are
women
, the highest posts are mainly occupied by men in developed countries. There should be a justifiable way to distribute these
positions
 equally to both genders. I strongly agree with
this
 statement. In developed countries,
however
Add the comma(s)
,however
show examples
women
 are equally competent as men, due to gender discrimination, they are not motivated and appreciated for their work.
Moreover
, take an example of any field, more than 50% of their lower staff consists of
females
.
For instance
, the hospitals are run by a male director,
on the contrary
, the working doctors and nurses are mostly
women
.
Therefore
,
females
 are not considered suitable for leading
positions
. In today's world of revolution, it is
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
utmost importance to change the typical mindset. The companies should be held responsible to allocate a fixed percentage of
positions
 to
females
 only
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because if they are capable enough to work in lower
positions
, they can take over the responsibility of higher posts as well.
For instance
, my mother was a school teacher for fifteen years, after that she was offered the post of Principal which she managed properly and is considered
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the best principal, up to date. To conclude, more
women
 work on junior levels than men because they are not promoted to senior posts. I agree with the aforementioned suggestion that a certain percentage should be kept reserved for
women
 in leading
positions
, in all companies.
Submitted by paingphyo.sg on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: