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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Most high-level positions in companies are filled by men even though the workforce in many developed countries is more than 50 percent female. Companies should be required to allocate a certain percent of these positions to women. do you agree?

#positions #companies #men #workforce #countries #percent #women
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In a male-dominated society,
females
Use synonyms
 have to fight for their rights.
Although
Linking Words
 more than fifty per cent of the employees are
women
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, the highest posts are mainly occupied by men in developed countries. There should be a justifiable way to distribute these
positions
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 equally to both genders. I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement. In developed countries,
Linking Words
however
Add the comma(s)
,however
show examples
women
Use synonyms
 are equally competent as men, due to gender discrimination, they are not motivated and appreciated for their work.
Moreover
Linking Words
, take an example of any field, more than 50% of their lower staff consists of
females
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, the hospitals are run by a male director,
on the contrary
Linking Words
, the working doctors and nurses are mostly
women
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.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
females
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 are not considered suitable for leading
positions
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. In today's world of revolution, it is
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
utmost importance to change the typical mindset. The companies should be held responsible to allocate a fixed percentage of
positions
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 to
females
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 only
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because if they are capable enough to work in lower
positions
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, they can take over the responsibility of higher posts as well.
For instance
Linking Words
, my mother was a school teacher for fifteen years, after that she was offered the post of Principal which she managed properly and is considered
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the best principal, up to date. To conclude, more
women
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 work on junior levels than men because they are not promoted to senior posts. I agree with the aforementioned suggestion that a certain percentage should be kept reserved for
women
Use synonyms
 in leading
positions
Use synonyms
, in all companies.
Submitted by paingphyo.sg on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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