IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs personal information, such as their hobbies and inerests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#employers #people #jobs #information #hobbies #inerests
It is believed that sometimes managers ask individuals personal questions in the interview,
such
 as their characters, habits and married
life
. Certain people argue that
this
 information can be beneficial for the company while others disagree with
this
 statement. The impending essay will discuss both views and will elaborate my perspective with a logical conclusion. There are multiple reasons why asking questions about personal
life
 has a positive impact on industries when they hire people.
To begin
 with,
this
 data may contribute to supervisors getting full information about new
workers
 which in turn leads to them making a proper work schedule because they can put the right person in the right positions.
For example
, if a person like mental positions, he or she may work as an accountant in the office.
On the other hand
, others argue that employers should not ask about the private
life
 of people because it is not a relevant question
instead
 they can know about the education knowledge of new
workers
 contributing to them selecting persons with
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
high educational
qualifications
Correct the article-noun agreement
qualification
show examples
 which in turn leads to a significant increase in the profit of the company by hard-working of that expert in
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
 position.
For instance
, the Times has announced that almost 48% of industries in Toronto, Canada accept
workers
 by their diploma not by their hobbies or keening in something. From my perspective, asking for personal data may increase the safety of that workplace because employers should know about each worker's location leading them to have a safe environment for all
workers
. To conclude, it is true that some supervisors want to know about the personal
life
 of new
workers
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
applying
Replace the word
application
show examples
 day. In my perspective,
this
 would help them to have a better work environment for everyone.
Submitted by sohail917 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: