IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Since the 18th century technological advances have replaced people in the workplace.with today's technology this process is happening at a greater rate.Technology is increasinly responsible for unemployment. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this statement ?

It is considered that advanced technology has taken over human employment since the 18th century and is bigger nowadays. I completely agree with
this
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 opinion and think that technological advances have replaced people in the workplace and have been worse recently. First of all, I believe that advanced technology is growing bigger day by day and being invented to take over some functions in the company.
This
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 phenomenon is shown by the introduction of artificial intelligence or AI. Some companies believe that AI can effectively cut the cost of operations on a daily basis.
For example
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, mass-productions in bread factories have been taken by robots. The policy and decision makers believe that the robot can press the production cost and turn-around time. Some bread-makers were fired with some considerations that refer to their capability and functionality to fulfil the target of sales.
That is
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 one of the reasons affecting the increase in unemployment recently.
Secondly
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, high unemployment is considered a failure of development itself. The high-technology improvement should be advantageous for society.
On the contrary
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, it is linked to the employee's productivity in the team.
This
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 situation creates a massive
culture-changing
Correct your spelling
culture
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 where people try to 'save' their guts in order to avoid unemployment status without any sense
to achieve
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of achieving
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 their best potential.
For instance
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, the employees stick to the mindset that they can survive once they can create a strong bond with the decision-maker in order to keep working in the organization. These weaknesses keep repeating
while
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 the machinery is happening at a greater rate today.
Thus
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,
this
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 change should be challenging towards the company, stakeholders, and employees.
To sum up
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, I strongly believe that innovative automation
is contributed
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contributes
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 to the disadvantage of workers living in a team because it takes over their job and affects the employee's productivity.

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task response
The essay provides a clear position on the given statement and supports it with relevant examples. However, there is a need for more balanced discussion and addressing the opposing view.
coherence and cohesion
The essay generally follows a logical structure, but there is room for improvement in connecting ideas within and between paragraphs. Additionally, the introduction and conclusion could be more clearly presented.
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