IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Sales companies should recruit people who are hungry for money as they will make the most dedicated workers. Do you think money is the driving force behind hard work?

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Should
companies
Use synonyms
 hire
people
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 who are driven by money? It’s true that the main lever to make
people
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 work for them is to give a salary to help them sustain their lives.
Furthermore
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, I shall discuss the notable effects of having a job and how important is the wage for workers. Nowadays, the financial recession is giving
people
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hard
Correct article usage
a hard
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 time and it has become tough to maintain their current lifestyles so
people
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 need to be constantly working to overcome
this
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 issue but if
people
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 are in a financially tight situation they are willing to do any job they come across. If I recall correctly, sales
companies
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 give their workers a wage which is based upon their contribution and
that is
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 how they can leech desperate
people
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 off their hard work.
For example
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, a salesperson should sell 50 pieces of the bag to meet the requirements, if not they will not be paid the full amount. In
this
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 case, I believe
such
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companies
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 are committing predatory acts towards their employees.
On the other hand
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,
for example
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, well-paid jobs are often competitive so the requirements are going off the roof and it is quite hard to get that type of position but it is positively affecting the
people
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 who got the offer knowing that they can be replaced easily.
Thus
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, it will give the employees a fighting mindset to keep their position and drive them to try even harder without any pressure from their employers.
People
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 are very aware of their hard-earned position so
this
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 is where I draw the line of good paying and leeching types of jobs. In summary, money is indeed a driving force for
people
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 to work but some
companies
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 that offer
wage
Fix the agreement mistake
wages
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 not actually great as it is robbing
people
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 of their hardship to earn wealth. But there is no denying that capable employees can earn twice or thrice
due to
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 merits.

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task response
Ensure your introduction clearly states your opinion on whether companies should hire people driven by money. Organize your essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs discussing different aspects, and a conclusion summarizing your main points.
coherence and cohesion
Work on improving the flow of your ideas and transitions between paragraphs. Ensure that each paragraph connects logically to the next and supports your main argument effectively.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Intrinsic motivation
  • Extrinsic motivation
  • Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs
  • Basic needs
  • High-level motivations
  • Job satisfaction
  • Working environment
  • Growth opportunities
  • Work-life balance
  • Monetary rewards
  • Employee turnover rates
  • Productivity
  • Short-term motivator
  • Long-term dedication
  • Sense of purpose
  • Personal growth
  • External rewards
  • Internal satisfaction
  • Fulfilment
  • Professional fulfilment
What to do next:
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