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The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend.”

#percentage #children #society #ten #years #effects #trend
In the past few decades, there is a considerable inclination of harmful diseases in human beings day by day. With regarding
this
, nowadays,
proportion
Add an article
the proportion
show examples
 of overweight
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 is common in teenagers as well as youngsters in western society and it has been inclined by approximately 20% in
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 ten years. I will explain the causes and effects of
this
 notion
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
with relevant examples in upcoming paragraphs before reaching any tactful compendium. Taking into account, what are the reasons for
this
 trend? The predominant point is that eating
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
unhealthy
food
 in their daily life. To elaborate
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
it
Change preposition
on it
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, today's children
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
utilise to junk
food
 rather than homemade
food
hence
that is
main
Add an article
the main
show examples
 cause of obesity in young ones as fast
food
 does not easily digest as compared to healthy
food
. To cite a relevant example, a survey was conducted by
health
Correct article usage
the health
show examples
 department two years ago, according to which, 85% of children
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
preference
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
street
food
 and they
does
Change the verb form
do
show examples
 not fit as a fiddle in their life. What is more, teenagers are more time spend on electronic devices and they
does
Change the verb form
do
show examples
 not play
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
physical activity
such
 as football, cricket and so on which is very helpful for their better health. Despite the above-mentioned aspects, there are various effects of
this
 statement.
First
 and foremost, teenagers
does
Change the verb form
do
show examples
 not easily work in
field
Add an article
the field
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. To explain
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
,
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
children which suffer from obesity they
does
Change the verb form
do
show examples
 not work easily in their
work place
Correct your spelling
workplace
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 as compared to
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
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 person because breathing problem is common in overweight individuals.
For instance
, a report
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
published by the tribune,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
reveals that 50% of youngsters
does
Change the verb form
do
show examples
 not
worked
Change the verb form
work
show examples
 in their field because of overweight problem.
Furthermore
, heart attacks and other respiratory diseases are increasing owing to the
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
use of junk
food
. Culminating the arguments, no doubt, there are
Myriad
Fix capitalization
myriad
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 of causes of
overweight
Add a missing verb
being overweight
show examples
firstly
, does not play the outdoor games and more utilise of street
food
nevertheless
, it is
effect
Add an article
the effect
an effect
show examples
 of their health and
prevent
Change the verb form
prevents
show examples
 the detrimental diseases like respiratory problems and heart attacks.
Submitted by baljindersamra29 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • overweight
  • obesity
  • caloric intake
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • screen time
  • physical education
  • nutritious
  • psychological well-being
  • self-esteem
  • socioeconomic
  • healthcare system
  • life expectancy
  • obesity-related complications
What to do next:
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