IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

You have recently bought a Telephone with answer machine from an online shop. The web page said that the answer machine shows you a list of who left a message so you can choose which to play first. But after taking it home you find out that only the most recent call is kept in the calls list. Write an e-mail letter to the store manager. In your e-mail: say who you are, explain the problem, say what action you would like the store to take.

Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing
this
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 letter to express my disappointment which I have to bear for a specific product
to
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, to
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 be specific
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, its
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its
Use the right word
it's
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 a
telephone
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 with an answering machine. My name is Shah Harshil
as
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, as
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 per my Order ID number - 1976A2
and
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, and
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 the order date was 19 October 2022. On your
,
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apply
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website
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website,
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 it was clearly mentioned that the
telephone
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 will show a list of voice mails
and
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, and
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 definitely I will have the option to choose from the list which message will be played first.
Furthermore
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, when I received the package at my home and
then
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 unboxed the courier box and started the phone
but
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, but
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 it did not show any list of pending voice mails because there was no LCD screen embedded into the
telephone
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,
as well as
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 there
,
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apply
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 were not enough buttons through which I
can
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could
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 scroll up and down among all the messages. I request you to give me another
telephone
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 displayed on the webpage
or
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, or
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 if you cannot arrange another
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telephone
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telephone,
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 I will not mind a full refund of the product. Looking forward to a positive and prompt response. Yours sincerely, Shah Harshil

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advice
State your problem clearly and name the exact action you want (exchange or refund) with a clear time if you have one.
advice
Split the letter into clear paragraphs, each with one main idea. Use simple words like first, then, also to link ideas.
advice
Keep a formal tone and check spelling and punctuation. Include only needed facts like order id and date.
strength
The letter keeps a polite and formal tone.
strength
You give key details like order ID and date.
strength
There is a clear request for action.
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