IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Women and men are commonly seen as having different strengths and weaknesses. Is it right to exclude male or females from certain professions because of their gender? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience in 250 words.

#women #men #strengths #weaknesses #right #females #professions #gender
Nowadays, when roles in society between males and females get closer to each other every year, we are already accustomed to progressive actions in employment as rights for everyone to choose the dream job no matter
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
any minimal demands. On the
first
hand
Add a comma
,hand
show examples
 it may be seen as a positive aspect of democracy
on the other hand
 as a risk
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the own applicant's health. Today, I would like to demonstrate each view of the topic from a different perspective to find the best solution. From the beginning, there must be said that the biggest difference between men and
women
 is biological barriers.
Naturally
Add a comma
,Naturally
show examples
 men have well-developed critical thinking skills and muscles as a part of our past, hunting.
On the other
hand
Add a comma
,hand
show examples
women
 have well-developed emotions and treatment,
such
 as taking care of children,
knowing
Correct word choice
and knowing
show examples
 what they need. From the other perspective, we live in a modern society. There should not be any differences between genders as
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
security has enormously increased.
Still
Add a comma
,Still
show examples
women
 are aimed at more specific jobs as better
secured
Replace the word
secure
show examples
 for their own comfort. Feminists are taking these actions very seriously as signs of sexism or as a direct
offense
Change the spelling
offence
show examples
, continuing to argue the percentage of employment of
women
 to men to
pay-gap
Correct your spelling
pay gap
show examples
 between these two genders. In my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
 certain differences between
ganders
Correct your spelling
genders
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 a serious
barrier
Fix the agreement mistake
barriers
show examples
 that cannot be overcome easily as it seems in daily debates across social media. I strongly believe that wages should not depend on the gender of the employee but as a certain sign of work done on its own.
Unfortunately
Add a comma
,Unfortunately
show examples
 there may be rare cases where unfairness has been overcome and in
this
case
Add a comma
,case
show examples
 the employee better start thinking strategically to avoid
this
 case, at
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
worst turn to justice. I hope that a certain recommendation depending on the gender of the applicant is not a sign of any sexism or incompetence, but
as
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
 a positive aspect from the employer with experience for the own effectiveness of the applicant’s future career.
Submitted by z.pfister on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: