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Band 4

Some employers offer their employees subsidizedmembership of gyms and sport clubs , believe that this will make their staff healthier and more effective at work . Other employees find no benifit doing so. Discuss both views .

#employers #offer #employees #subsidizedmembership #gyms #sport #clubs #staff #work #benifit
Different
companies
 offer different
benefits
 to
workers
 considering their own values and goals.
This
 depends on multiple factors
as
Correct quantifier usage
such as
show examples
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of employees, type of work and financial situation of
company
Add an article
the company
a company
show examples
. Physical activity is very important for
general
Add an article
the general
show examples
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
show examples
 of
people
, so
incoruging
Correct your spelling
encouraging
workers
 to
workout
Correct your spelling
work out
show examples
 can bring great
benefits
 to
employers
, especially
people
 who work in offices and do not have any
excersise
Correct your spelling
exercise
 during
working
Add an article
the working
a working
show examples
 day. Active
people
 have more energy, better concentration and lower risk of different diseases and disorders,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 can help them to do their job faster and more
effective
Change the word
effectively
show examples
,
but
Correct word choice
and
show examples
also
 decrease
employers
Change noun form
employers'
employer's
show examples
 cost for healthcare and insurance.
On the other hand
, gym and sport clubs memberships are very expensive and some
employers
 can not see interest in spending additional funds on
such
Add an article
the such
show examples
cause
Fix the agreement mistake
causes
show examples
, especially if they have
very
Add an article
a very
show examples
 large number of employees. Except that,
eployers
Correct your spelling
employers
 that are employing
workers
 for physically demanding jobs, building
companies
for instance
, think that their staff need rest after
hard
Add an article
a hard
show examples
 day, but they can offer some other
benefits
,
such
 as additional
vaccation
Correct your spelling
vacation
 days every year. In conclusion,
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 case of
office based
Add a hyphen
office-based
show examples
 jobs,
employers
 could have
benefits
 of providing gym or
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 club membership for their
workers
,
such
 as increased productivity and lower costs of
healtcare
Correct your spelling
healthcare
,
in contrast
 with
companies
 that are employing
people
 for physically demanding jobs or
companies
 that have
large
Change the article
a large
the large
show examples
 number of employees, where above mentioned saving would not reciprocate expenditure on
benefits
.
Submitted by martinapesa11 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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