IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some employers offer their employees subsidizedmembership of gyms and sport clubs , believe that this will make their staff healthier and more effective at work . Other employees find no benifit doing so. Discuss both views .

#employers #offer #employees #subsidizedmembership #gyms #sport #clubs #staff #work #benifit
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Different
companies
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 offer different
benefits
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 to
workers
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 considering their own values and goals.
This
Linking Words
 depends on multiple factors
as
Correct quantifier usage
such as
show examples
number
Change the article
a number
the number
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 of employees, type of work and financial situation of
company
Add an article
the company
a company
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. Physical activity is very important for
general
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the general
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wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
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 of
people
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, so
incoruging
Correct your spelling
encouraging
workers
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 to
workout
Correct your spelling
work out
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 can bring great
benefits
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 to
employers
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, especially
people
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 who work in offices and do not have any
excersise
Correct your spelling
exercise
 during
working
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the working
a working
show examples
 day. Active
people
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 have more energy, better concentration and lower risk of different diseases and disorders,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 can help them to do their job faster and more
effective
Change the word
effectively
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,
but
Correct word choice
and
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also
Linking Words
 decrease
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employers
Change noun form
employers'
employer's
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 cost for healthcare and insurance.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, gym and sport clubs memberships are very expensive and some
employers
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 can not see interest in spending additional funds on
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such
Add an article
the such
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cause
Fix the agreement mistake
causes
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, especially if they have
very
Add an article
a very
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 large number of employees. Except that,
eployers
Correct your spelling
employers
 that are employing
workers
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 for physically demanding jobs, building
companies
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for instance
Linking Words
, think that their staff need rest after
hard
Add an article
a hard
show examples
 day, but they can offer some other
benefits
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,
such
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 as additional
vaccation
Correct your spelling
vacation
 days every year. In conclusion,
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 case of
office based
Add a hyphen
office-based
show examples
 jobs,
employers
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 could have
benefits
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 of providing gym or
sport
Change the noun form
sports
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 club membership for their
workers
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,
such
Linking Words
 as increased productivity and lower costs of
healtcare
Correct your spelling
healthcare
,
in contrast
Linking Words
 with
companies
Use synonyms
 that are employing
people
Use synonyms
 for physically demanding jobs or
companies
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 that have
large
Change the article
a large
the large
show examples
 number of employees, where above mentioned saving would not reciprocate expenditure on
benefits
Use synonyms
.
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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