Some employers offer their employees subsidizedmembership of gyms and sport clubs , believe that this will make their staff healthier and more effective at work . Other employees find no benifit doing so. Discuss both views .

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Different
companies
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

offer different
benefits
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

to
workers
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

considering their own values and goals.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

depends on multiple factors
as
Correct quantifier usage
such as

It seems that quantifier use may be incorrect here.

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number
Change the article
a number
the number

It appears that the phrase number does not contain the correct article usage. Consider making a change.

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of employees, type of work and financial situation of
company
Add an article
the company
a company

The noun phrase company seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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. Physical activity is very important for
general
Add an article
the general

The noun phrase general wellbeing seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being

The word wellbeing doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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of
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, so
incoruging
Correct your spelling
encouraging

If you don’t want incoruging to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

workers
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

to
workout
Correct your spelling
work out

The word workout doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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can bring great
benefits
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

to
employers
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, especially
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

who work in offices and do not have any
excersise
Correct your spelling
exercise

If you don’t want excersise to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

during
working
Add an article
the working
a working

The noun phrase working day seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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day. Active
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

have more energy, better concentration and lower risk of different diseases and disorders,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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can help them to do their job faster and more
effective
Change the word
effectively

Effective seems to be the wrong part of speech for this context.

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,
but
Correct word choice
and

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

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also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

decrease
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

employers
Change noun form
employers'
employer's

It seems that this noun form may be incorrect.

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cost for healthcare and insurance.
On the other hand
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, gym and sport clubs memberships are very expensive and some
employers
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

can not see interest in spending additional funds on
Linking Words
Linking Words
such
Add an article
the such

The noun phrase such cause seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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cause
Fix the agreement mistake
causes

It seems that cause may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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, especially if they have
very
Add an article
a very

The noun phrase very large number seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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large number of employees. Except that,
eployers
Correct your spelling
employers

If you don’t want eployers to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

that are employing
workers
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

for physically demanding jobs, building
companies
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

for instance
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, think that their staff need rest after
hard
Add an article
a hard

The noun phrase hard day seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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day, but they can offer some other
benefits
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

,
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

as additional
vaccation
Correct your spelling
vacation

If you don’t want vaccation to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

days every year. In conclusion,
the
Change preposition
in the

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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case of
office based
Add a hyphen
office-based

It seems that office based is missing a hyphen. Consider adding the hyphen(s).

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jobs,
employers
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

could have
benefits
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

of providing gym or
sport
Change the noun form
sports

It appears that the noun sport is being used as an adjective, but you may have chosen incorrectly between the singular and plural form. Consider changing the noun form.

show examples
club membership for their
workers
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

,
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

as increased productivity and lower costs of
healtcare
Correct your spelling
healthcare

If you don’t want healtcare to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

,
in contrast
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

with
companies
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

that are employing
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

for physically demanding jobs or
companies
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

that have
large
Change the article
a large
the large

It appears that the phrase large number does not contain the correct article usage. Consider making a change.

show examples
number of employees, where above mentioned saving would not reciprocate expenditure on
benefits
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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