IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Women and men are commanly sees as havinv different stregths and weaknesses.It it right to exclude males or females from certain professions because of their gender?

#women #men #havinv #stregths #weaknesses #right #males #females #professions #gender
Men and women are seen biologically different in general, the strength is a forte of a man
similarly
 the mind is of a woman.
Thus
, it wasn't uncommon in the early 1960s to keep women as human calculators to compute lengthy and excruciating flight plans of Apollo missions until the invention of supercomputers.
Furthermore
, gents were associated with blue-collar jobs like construction, oil extraction, high work and car maintenance.
Hence
, it is necessary to discuss the advantages and disadvantages of both genders to elaborate on
such
 exclusions
due to
 their gender from certain jobs. Prehistoric studies suggested that the men were hunters; meanwhile, the women were gatherers.
This
 means
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 early males were hunting for food in search of energy in order to survive. They can run for most of the time without getting tired, adapt to longer eyesight, and fight
according to
 their impulses. Females on other hand use their peripheral vision to gather fruits and vegetables to feed their families.
Furthermore
, they had great pain susceptibility than men to give birth to young ones. As their mates provided them with the meal and protection from the predators,
thus
 there was no need for physical strength. In
modern
Add an article
the modern
show examples
 world,
notion
Add an article
the notion
show examples
 is that "man is supposed to provide for the family meanwhile a woman should tender to the family".
Submitted by swapnildeshbhratar on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: